


Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad

by westallenkiss



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Malec, Malec AU, Malec Angst, Malec Fluff, Malec Smut, Power Bottom Alec Lightwood, Song fic, Taylor Swift Lyrics, Top Magnus Bane, alec is a little mean, jimon, maia and izzy are in love, malec au song fic, meat loaf lyrics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-06-25 11:37:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19744969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westallenkiss/pseuds/westallenkiss
Summary: Since they were little, Magnus and Alec were inseparable, they had plenty in common, and they were each other's first everything. The only problem was Alec, he couldn't commit to being in a relationship with Magnus because of his own secrets, and with Magnus knowing all of his secrets only wanted what was best for Alec. But what if even the best wasn't good enough? What if Alec just wasn't in love with his best friend?





	1. Baby we can talk all night but that ain't gettin' us nowhere...

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is going to be really complicated so here it goes. It is kind off based on Brian/Justin in Queer As Folk (Brian's personality is in Alec, but he won't be as mean as Brian was if you know what I mean...promise!) 
> 
> Taylor Swift's song _All Too Well_ plays a major role in this fic, it'll be based on the lyrics in the song.
> 
> Meatloaf's song _Two Out Of Three Ain't bad_ also has some things to go along with the fic as well. (we can play blame last fic for the sudden reminders how much I love him and how I needed to write fanfic to this song.) 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this fic as my fucked up mind takes you on a journey that you probably aren't ready for.

_"I just want someone I can come home to," Alec whispered taking Magnus' hand in his._

_Magnus pulled his hands back from his and shook his head, "What if I can't be that person anymore?"_

_"You met someone?" Alec gasped._

_"It's not like you were ever going to love me..." Magnus frowned._

_Alec shook his head, "Goodbye, Magnus."_

When Alec told Magnus a year ago if it was meant to be maybe he would give him a chance if they found each other again, but Magnus didn't believe much in that kind of thing. He knew Alec was never ever going to love him the way he was _in_ love with him. Alec had a lot of inner demons himself, and only Magnus knew them. Alec didn't know what it was like to be free, out, and proud. His parents could never know. Magnus was always comfortable with his sexuality and that was the only thing they didn't have in common, that was the only thing keeping them apart. They spent every single waking moment together growing up as kids, even took baths together, and they were even each other's first time. But Alec never told his parents, and he refused to believe that what he felt for Magnus was a sign of who he truly was. The more and more Magnus tried to tell it was okay the more and more it pushed him away, and that was the last straw for the two of them. 

Although Magnus knew in his heart Alec was the one, the only one for him, his actual soulmate...he knew it was time to let go and just try to move on because believing in fate wasn't something he was big on or thought about. There was hope that they would meet again, but never like this, and not a time like this, especially not today when he was engaged to be married...

\--

When Magnus walked into his favorite bookstore after moving back in town he did not expect to see Alec at all, but then again, he always loved to read so why should it even be questioned? The door was locked, but Alec was looking to open it. Was this the fate he was talking about and refusing to believe? "Well, I'll be damned, if it isn't Magnus Bane." He snorted reaching to give him the biggest hug imaginable. He took him all the way inside and relocked the door. "I open up in about 15 minutes, come in..."

"It's been a year, a whole year since I've last seen you, what are the odds of me finding you here?" Magnus smirked a little leaning back in Alec's embrace. "You haven't changed at all...you're still that man that I adore." He said a bit sing-song-fully. 

"And you? Look at you..." Alec smiled softly leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his forehead, "I've missed you so much, I can't believe we said goodbye as we did..."

"Yeah, you were pretty harsh to me, you can't blame me can you?" Magnus retorted. 

"Hey, you know me...and you've always known me...you're the only one that know-knows me." Alec frowned a little taking his hands into his like he always did and was just hoping he wouldn't pull away this time. 

Magnus didn't, he couldn't. "I hate you," He frowned back standing just slightly on his tiptoes to kiss Alec's bottom lip like he always used to. "I missed you..." He said with his entire heart, as it sunk into his stomach. He was engaged to be married, and he needed to make a decision...did he really want to marry someone he was never going to love like he loved Alec? Was Alec even worth it? He knew he would never love him back, but what if he could try one more time. He couldn't deny this look in Alec's eyes either. Maybe this was some kind of fate after all. 

"I missed you too, I missed you so much," Alec answered him sincerely, wanting him, needing him. 

Magnus cursed under his breath, this was not what he came into the bookstore to do but they were suddenly knocking down books and fumbling all over each other, and Alec wasn't going to stop. "You're lucky the bookstore doesn't open for another 10 minutes." He warned Magnus. "Kind of interesting you just walked by just before I opened..." He made note of _the fate_.

"Shut up and keep kissing me," Magnus demanded as he swirling his tongue along Alec's pushing up against a random shelf and causing it to all fall down. "Oops."

"7 minutes..." Alec murmured against his lips.

"What?" Magnus growled flicking his tongue deeper along his. 

"We're going to have to pick that up before I open up the shop..." He mumbled against his lips trying to gain dominance from him but Magnus had full control because he was going to get the other man off...now now 7 minutes...

"Don't you worry." Magnus snickered softly beginning to rub himself up harder against Alec. He knew how much Alec loved getting off simply by just friction. They did it all the time together when they were younger. He knew he was the only that could do it too, so he kept it up...just grinding slowly against him, feeling him getting harder and more and tenser. 

"Oh god, Magnus. Fuck. I missed you so much, you're still the only person who can get me off like this." Alec arched himself up needing more contact before he was releasing hard into his pants. His body shaking and falling down against all the books on the floor. "Well, shit...now I need to change my pants too." He pouted. 

Magnus smirked and shook his head, "It's not too noticeable." He then promised. "And I did this with 2 minutes to spare..." He snickered going to help him pick up the shelf. "It might take me a while but I can get the books in order for you, while you go ahead and open up shop." 

"No, you don't have to do that...let me hide here for a bit and do that myself, you can go and open up if anyone asks who you just tell them you're working for me for a few days...or more...I mean if you wanna..." Alec was quickly starting to organize the books to put back. 

"I won't mind helping you...you run the entire store by yourself?"

"Yeah, I get to read all day, what's better than that?" 

"You always did love to read." Magnus smiled softly thinking back to the days where he would find Alec sitting with a book, even when they were cuddling or something together, he would be reading to him.

"Yeah, good old days, well some things never change." Alec smiled back and urged him to and open up for him.

Magnus nodded softly and when he turned around he frowned. Some things never changed...that's for sure. Alec was still leading him on, yet Magnus felt like maybe this time he could finally crack him, but he also forgot he had a fiancee waiting for him. He just cheated on her, but maybe she deserved it just as well. He would never love her the way he loved Alec and she knew that and had some fun of her own. One thing he did know for sure though was that Alec didn't like her and he knew it made Alec jealous...now he just needed to have him finally admit it. Of course, he would never pressure him into anything he didn't want to do but Alec always gave in to him in other ways and the memories of the two of them together since they were little was enough proof Magnus had needed. Was it enough? Whatever happened, Magnus was going to be prepared this time, and he was ready for it all.


	2. Left my scarf there at your sister's house, and you still got it in your drawer even now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the feedback and having faith in me and this story. for those who haven't watched QAF and don't know about Brian/Justin's relationship it's complicated so if you ever want the details just ask me and I'll tell you a bit about it. But I do promise I won't end it like that. I also promise not to have Alec be as mean to Magnus. so thank you for reading. <3

_Magnus ran to the swing set, Alec trailing behind him but he caught up with him and sat in the swing first. "Looks like you have to push me," Alec flashed a grin at him and sat down as quick as he could._

_"Not so fast, we didn't say that before running to the swings." Magnus took a seat right down next to him on the other swing. "Besides, I wanna see who can jump the furthest." He added as he set himself up to start swinging._

_Alec giggled and stuck out his tongue, "You know for a fact, I jump the highest." He started to kick his feet back on the swing to try and get higher than Magnus already in the lead. The swing set even rocking a little at how high they started to get._

_Magnus stuck his tongue out back, preparing to get ready to jump off. "Don't think so, on the count of three, one, two, three..." He shouted and took a leap forward from the swing and landed on his bum, Alec was flying off the swing too and ended up landing on top of him. "Oof," Magnus made a noise, "Looks like it's a tie."_

_Alec shrugged and leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. "Maybe, I just wanted an excuse to be on top of you and kiss you." He mumbled against his lips before resting entirely on him and continuing the innocent kiss in the sand of the playground. The two innocently continued their little kiss, nothing really stopped them once they started, but eventually, Alec would have to go home to his strict parents, "Remember don't tell my mom and dad what happened...but you can stay for dinner." He insisted._

_Magnus didn't understand yet that it was wrong to kiss boys like Alec seemed to think so by not telling his parents. He just hoped that one day Alec would be able to tell them that he liked to kiss him and they would be okay with it..._

\--

"Magnus! It's so good to see you, it's been a long time..." Maryse gripped him tight and tugged him inside her lovely home. "Alec isn't home yet, were you looking for him or did you stop by to see him or you just missed me too?" She always loved Magnus and loved how highly Alec talked about him although she never knew about their stolen kisses and secret hidden moments when they were younger.

"I actually just saw Alec at his new bookstore, and I figured I'd come here to say hey hello to you too," Magnus answered with a soft smile so happy to see that she had never changed. She was really so nice so he wondered why Alec never told her the truth, why it was so hard for him to just be out to his parents. He would never do it for him, he just wanted him to be comfortable enough to do it. It was the most annoying thing to think about and before he got angry over it, he just smiled again at her as she offered him some te and the two of them took a seat down at the kitchen table. 

"Alec must have been so happy to see you, he really missed you, I thought for a while he wasn't seeing you because he stopped talking about it... how long has it been?" Maryse asked curiously trying to remember when her son had talked about Magnus last.

"It was actually about a year and a half ago...we had a little fight about someone I met...and well now I'm engaged to her," Magnus wondered if he was speaking so much and if Alec had told her anything else.

"Oh that's such wonderful news, Alec didn't mention that to me, he didn't even mention to me that you and he got into a fight...he just stopped talking about you." 

Magnus frowned and shrugged just a little, "I didn't mean to upset him so I am glad that he didn't tell you anything," He sighed softly and looked around the kitchen of their house, nothing had changed since he remembered...Alec was right when he said some things never changed. Alec was still living at home and probably still listened to all of Maryse's rules as long as he lived underneath her roof. He sipped on his tea for a moment just thinking about how his parents were supportive of him and always were, they did their own thing and most of the time he was on his own, but they never once judged him. He really wanted to know if Maryse and Robert would judge Alec for being gay, or he just assumed. But there was so much more to Alec that Magnus was sure he never told them either. 

By the time he was thinking about all this, Izzy showed up throwing her backpack down on the floor with a loud sigh but as soon as she spotted Magnus her entire expression changed and she ran towards him to hug him just as tight as her mother did. "Magnus! It's really you...I never thought I would see you again..." She squealed. 

"How is college life?" Magnus laughed pointing her backpack she through on the floor, "I am so proud of you getting into Hofstra and being able to stay close to home," He remembered when she got in and how important it was to her. 

"Oh, it's lovely...I've just got this very hard teacher on my case, she is a real pain my ass, she is getting married though...I just hope that once she does she'll like...chill the hell out..." Izzy mentioned and almost instantly Magnus frowned realizing it might have been his fiancee she was talking about. Talk about a coincidence and all the things that were happening today that might have just been the icing on the cake. 

"I'll talk to her for you..." Magnus promised. "She's probably nervous about the marriage..." 

Izzy looked confused for a moment but caught on really quick and shook her head, "Oh my gosh..." 

"I have had a lot of coincidences today so this doesn't surprise me," Magnus mentioned with a sigh as he excused himself with Maryse so Izzy and he could talk more about some things that they instantly knew had to be spoken about. 

"I actually have to show you something, Alec gave it to me to keep safe..." She mentioned as he was following her up the stairs to her room. He walked past Alec's room and almost wanted to peek inside but he stopped himself and followed Izzy into her room. She went into her drawer and took out the scarf Magnus had knitted for Alec that he had given to him on his 16th birthday. It was the thought that counts and Alec actually loved it more than anything and he wore it all the time and now Izzy had it. He still hadn't said anything as he just frowned upon taking it, "He said he couldn't keep it anymore because it was a memory of you and he was still devastated that you left him that night for Miss Belcourt...I mean Camille...uh...yeah." She let Magnus take it. 

"You know the reason why I left right? You know all the right details, not what Alec told you?" 

Izzy nodded, "I really hate him for treating you the way he does, but he is afraid to tell our parents...and to be honest I don't know myself how they would take the news, but he should at least tell you he loves you...right?" 

"I just don't think he believes in love," Magnus sighed a little handing back the scarf, "Keep it safe, he'll want it back..." He smiled and thanked her with a small nod. "I also promise to talk to Camille for you," He promised. 

\-- 

The day was now almost over when he pulled up back at his place and he noticed one of her partner's car parked right in front of his house, which only meant one thing, Camille was cheating again with him, completely typical of her, but this was what an open relationship was...having someone to come home to...it's what Alec wanted but he was sure the terms were different then what he had Camille had...but let's be real...no one wants this...especially Magnus who was in love with one person and had to deal with the wrath of a girl who was using him. The engagement started to feel like a joke since they were doing it to help each other out, and with this parked car he knew it would be another night that they didn't talk. 

Magnus walked inside to find them crawled up on the couch rather than doing anything he didn't want to see so he was a little thankful as he gave them a thumbs-up before taking a seat down himself, "So I had really interesting day and you guys are going to have to listen to it...turns out I still have feelings for Alec, I saw him today, we hooked up for like 15 minutes, then I left to see his mom because I'm an idiot...I found out your Izzy's mean teacher," He pointed to Camille, "and she showed me that Alec still keeps the scarf I knitted for him for his 16th birthday... so here's what I want to do... I need you to start being nice to Isabelle Lightwood if you want to keep this engagement - or we can just end the engagement now and save us both the trouble..." Magnus sighed after he spoke this all felt like a nightmare. 

"I need to marry you if I want to be able to stay in this country, you know that...I know you're just marrying to make Alec jealous...which actually, to be honest, I'm shocked you even saw him today...I thought you were done looking for him." Camille reminded him of the time where he said he wasn't going to be looking for him ever again. 

"I found him when I wasn't looking for him, and I don't believe in fate or anything...this is purely coincidental and I hope Alec will finally realize we're meant to be," Magnus swore. 

"You never know, I promise to be nice to Isabelle. But I'm with Alec on the whole love is bullshit thing, just so you know..." Camille added with her smirk looking to her partner who she was seeing for a while now and never really spoke. 

"Well that's the difference between you and me I guess." Magnus shrugged. "Thank you for promising to be nice to Izzy, I know how important it is to her to graduate this year." He added and got himself. "Well, tomorrow is another day...goodnight." Magnus walked directly into his bedroom and closed the door behind him, to say today had been a _day_ was an understatement because he truly didn't believe he would ever see Alec again after the night they said goodbye and now was wondering if he should go visit him at the bookstore again tomorrow...


	3. You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-size bed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kudos and comments on loving this story, I hope it continues to come together for you and you are rooting for Alec to come along...

_"I don't want to wear them, they make me look like a geek." Alec whimpered as he was struggling to read the numbers on the page, they all went and jumbled on him. He officially hated Math even more now._

_"You look fine, Alexander." Magnus promised him kissing his temple and making him put them on, "Just think about all the headaches you won't get anymore because you can finally see the numbers."_

_"This sucks! I'll deal with the headaches." Alec growled and squinted at his papers but the numbers still kept changing on him like he was actually imagining it. "What is this called?"_

_"Dyslexics," Magnus whispered._

_"Stupid Dyslexics!" Alec shouted pronouncing it wrong._

_"Alexander, please stop whining...I got an idea for as long as you wear the glasses, and we get our algebra homework done, I will give you kisses for every right answer you get." Magnus suggested._

_"Why do we have to know this stuff anyway? What is a 14-year-old going to need algebra for? I bet even when I am 30, I will not need this crap." Alec was still whining._

_"Did you not hear about the part where I will kiss you?" Magnus insisted poking his nose and handing him back the glasses to put on his face._

_Alec pouted and put them on, turning to him with another pout. "You really are going to kiss me in these?" He whimpered._

_Magnus leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, "Looks like it," He smirked._

_Taking a deep breath Alec swallowed a little and leaned forward to kiss him back, "We have to hurry up, maybe we can go upstairs too and cuddle for a little until my mom calls us for dinner, but don't tell her what we're doing remember?"_

_Magnus sighed and gave a small nod, "Alright, so let's get started, If X = 6 and the answer is 16, what is Y??" _

_The numbers for Alec weren't switching around and the glasses were helping him concentrate as he went and shouted, "Y = 10!"_

_"You did it!" Magnus shouted too and gave him a kiss on the lips. The two of the continued their little kisses and shouting of the answers every time they got a question until they were snuggled up in Alec's twin-sized bed waiting for dinner..._

\--

Alec was in his bookstore when a customer came up to him to check out a book on _How To Do Simple Algebra_ all he could do was giggle at the memory and promise the younger boy that eventually it'll make sense to him. Alec's problem was also because he was Dyslexic but after that day he felt better about himself, and all the kisses he received from Magnus, wearing glasses didn't feel so bad when having to do Math. He felt proud to have to wear them because he didn't feel like he was stupid for the numbers jumbling upon him as they would. He didn't understand the reasoning why he read things wrong until he got his glasses so he was always feeling better at the simple memory. 

The day had gotten a little slow for the most part and he was just about to go to lunch when Magnus walked into the shop. Of course Alec's face light up and right away he was reaching out and opening his arms to hug him. "I was just gonna grab lunch."

Magnus smiled back just as genuinely and wrapped himself up in Alec's embrace, "Ooh, lunch sounds good...what did you have in mind?" 

"The pizza place just up the block, you know the one we always used to go to..." Alec answered with a little grin on his face taking his hand, "Come on, I heard you went and visited my mom yesterday..." He made conversation as they walked swinging their hands as a couple would. 

"Oh yeah, I guess I missed her too after seeing you." Magnus shrugged a little eyeing him from the side and wondering if he knew exactly what they talked about and if Izzy had told him about showing him the scarf.

"It's all good as long as you didn't tell her about getting me off in my pants...that I had to hide behind my desk all day by the way..." He made him a face as he held the door for him to enter the pizza place.

"You'll live, and honestly...I don't think she would have minded..." Magnus mentioned as he nodded to him and took a seat down at the booth that they would always sit in together.

"What are you talking about?" Alec nearly growled. "My mom would never allow you to speak to me again..."

"No, Alexander...I really think she would be okay with you and I being in love..." Magnus said it, and instantly regretting it knowing Alec was gonna bring up more shit he didn't need to hear.

"I'm not in love with you, Magnus. Why can't I just have a friend with benefits?" He sighed loudly. "And you have no idea about what my mom thinks of it, she would just be so livid that I'm gay and sleeping with you..."

"Well, for one thing, you aren't sleeping with me...we haven't slept together in a year and a half but that besides the point Alexander. You have been leading me on for years before that, even when we were younger..." Magnus made a face and really tried his hardest not to get upset with Alec and the eye roll he was about to see not once but twice while he spoke.

"Why did you even come back to see me in the first place if you're just going to bring up this kind of shit?" Alec mumbled just as the waitress came over.

"Oh you two, oh my god it's been ages hasn't...should I dare say I can put in your regular orders with one cherry Pepsi and one sprite?" 

Both of them nodded and smiled before turning back to each other to continue angrily. "I missed you, that's all. I just missed you and I didn't want to go through with marrying Camille...I was hoping you'd come around and well..." Magnus shook his head, why was he even bothering?

Alec snorted, "Fucking Camille...how could you even marry her in the first place? How could you even compare me to her? She just came out of fucking nowhere and ruined everything we ever had..." 

"Oh really? Everything we ever had? Alexander, we had absolutely nothing going for us. We went on double dates while you compared everyone to me and wished you never met them and then we'd end up in bed together while you begged for me to come inside you..." Magnus said matter-of-factly. 

"Yeah...and then she came along and those nights turned into you actually going home with her, and you not wanting to sleep with me anymore...so what the fuck happened to us yesterday then huh? You cheated on her. You realize that right?" Alec retorted with an angry tone and tried his hardest to not go over the top loud like he could because he just absolutely hated fighting with Magnus like this.

"I couldn't be with you if you were just using me to get laid...especially when you knew how much I loved you and when I told you I'd only get an _I know_...you and I both know that I don't deserve that. And you sure as hell don't deserve me." Magnus said with confidence but regretted it right away as he looked down at his hands on the table and then back up.

"Wow." Alec breathed heavily. "So you say all that yet you still showed up at my new bookstore, proceeded to get me off, and then go visit my mother and act like we were always buddy-buddy after one fucking year and a half of me having to lie to her that we were fine just you were really busy doing god knows what just because I couldn't come up with something logical...fuck that and you Magnus." 

"It was a coincidence I found you yesterday, but yes I admit, after seeing you, I just needed to see Maryse too." Magnus was a lot calmer now trying to have Alec calm down himself. "I don't believe at all that it was fate or none of that bs because for starters whatever fate is with you and me -- it's total bull too..." He shook his head a little as their pizza order was placed in front of him and instead of saying anything more he stuffed his face. Alec sighed a bit and started to eat his too realizing that this conversation was going to get nowhere if they both disagreed on what each other were saying and different opinions literally on everything. 

"You know what actually? I have a question," Alec dangled a piece of cheese in front of his mouth before continuing as he chewed, "Why do you even try with me? We're complete opposites. We have been our whole lives but yet every time someone bullied me or called me _gay_ or even so much as to the bad _F_ word you always defended me...and you always kept your mouth shut when I told you to because my mom could never know...why...tell me why!" Alec whimpered suddenly feeling like he owed Magnus some kind of apology. He just treated him like complete shit.

Magnus shrugged for a moment, he had to think, "No one should make fun of anyone, that is the number one rule so of course, I would defend you, especially since I have always been proud of who I am. I honestly wished you wouldn't be afraid to admit you are gay to everyone not just to me, I just thought maybe one day you would be proud." Magnus mentioned with another shrug picking a little at his pizza, "And you truly don't see that you are making all of it worse for yourself by staying in the closet...and yeah maybe I have a little bit of hope that one day we could be together and you get out of your egotistical head." He added eating one of the pineapples on his pizza, "I don't even know what made you so egotistical...one day in college you just woke up and started being extremely rude to me..." He frowned.

"I just hated that you were always so damn nice and how you always made the best out of every situation, and yeah I woke up one day and realized I need to branch out...make friends, sleep around, do college things, not just stay with one person..." Alec realized what he said and his eyes were quick to apologize.

"Too late," Magnus mumbled seeing those eyes but looked to him with a slight frown, "You do realize you your _not just stay with one person_ was literally you coming back to MY dorm and fucking me while you complained that NO ONE compared...so you can see why I have all that _hope_ that maybe one day...nevermind..." He shook his head and swallowed. "...we are complete opposites, you do have that right...you don't even like pineapples on your pizza." He joked because he was just done with the fighting.

Alec made a face, sticking out his tongue. He realized the tone change in Magnus' and he knew how much he'd hurt him since the days in college together, and he was hurting him now a year and a half later from when they had their fight. And maybe Alec was actually realizing that Magnus was the one for him, and he always was. But he really didn't want to be in a relationship when he wasn't even able to admit that he was gay. He swore each day the time would come, but each day he swore the time would come he would push it further away, and he had a whole year and a half without Magnus and he was visiting a place he refused to remember because without Magnus he wasn't whole...and he actually was getting used to it and now he was back giving him all those feelings he really didn't want to have. Being in love just made your heart break into a million pieces, and he was going to prove that to Magnus or keep proving it to him by avoiding it. He knew now thought that something was changing and this conversation they had today, although was rather rude and mean towards each other, was a bit life-changing for him and Alec now realized he needed to make some decisions...the right ones...especially if he wanted to keep Magnus from leaving him again...


	4. 'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night. We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter is smutty, and i'm #sorrynotsorry <3 thanks for all your positiveness and sweet feedback, i hope this chapter does make up for alec's behaviour.

_3 AM and there's a huge history test tomorrow, Alec can't sleep so he's downstairs in his kitchen trying to be quiet. Alec knows if he turns on the light it'll wake someone up so he keeps the refrigerator door open just a crack as he makes himself a sandwich. He is as quiet as he can be until the refrigerator starts beeping because the door is open so he closes it in frustration and tries to make his sandwich in the dark. Maybe he's louder than he intends to be as he's reciting history things in his head to try and remember what will be on the test..._

_As Magnus rolled over in Alec's small bed expecting him to be there he almost fell off of it. He pouted not seeing him knowing he must have snuck downstairs. Quietly he made his way downstairs, sure enough, finding Alec hovering over the counter talking to himself and making a sandwich. He can hear him talking to himself but thankfully it's not loud enough to wake any else up. Magnus crept up against him and breathed him in, wrapping his arms around his waist, and kissing neck softly. "Come back to bed." He whispered._

_Alec spun himself around into his arms automatically after dropping the butter knife he had in his hand. He faltered right into Magnus' arms, taking in a deep breath and leaned back against the counter taking Magnus with him. "I can't. I'm nervous about the history test tomorrow..."_

_"Why are you nervous? You know you're going to pass, it's Math you're not good at." Magnus reminded him with a peck to his lips._

_Alec pecked back and then pouted at him, "Na, I'm just really nervous." Alec was maybe lying, but he really didn't know how to tell Magnus what he was really nervous about. "I was just hungry..." He gave a little smirk reaching behind to grab his sandwich and offer some to Magnus before taking a bite of his own._

_Of course, Magnus took a bite but then he urged him to put it down as he dragged him to the table to take a seat down with him. "Tell me what you're really nervous about and you can have the rest of your sandwich..." Magnus insisted keeping his hand locked in his as he sat on top of Alec in the chair._

_"...lying next to you tonight, it was kind of like a really good feeling and I got really...well..." Alec lifted himself up against Magnus, his body trembling a bit when he realized it was happening again._

_"Alexander!" Magnus shouted in a whisper, burying his nose against his temple, "There's nothing to be ashamed of, why didn't you just tell me?"_

_"Because, what if you didn't wanna?" Alec swallowed._

_"I would never object to anything with you Alexander, you know my feelings loud and clear. I'm surprised you even have to second guess me." Magnus promised with a soft sigh._

_Alec pushed Magnus off of him and went over to the refrigerator door to open it just a crack. He wanted to see Magnus' eyes as he reached for him and tugged him into his arms. He even gave him a little spin and ended up giggling as they both wound up dancing around the kitchen table like two dorks falling in love, well maybe just Magnus was, but he swore Alec had to at least feel it too. "I want you to be my first..." Alec whispered and closed his eyes moving in and kissing Magnus as the door closed and the two of them made a lot thud against the fridge. They both knew they were probably too loud now as they ran back upstairs into bed. Magnus didn't even have a chance to answer him, surprised more than ever that this sleepover was even turning into this. They made love that night for the first time ever and it was quiet, it was passionate it, it was filled with so much love and Magnus knew that he was never going to love another person._

_"I love you, Alexander." He said as they were falling asleep. He was sure Alec felt it._

_"I know." Maybe not._

\--

It was 3 AM and Alec couldn't sleep, his feet were up against his kitchen table and the loud beeping from the refrigerator door being open was tuned out as he was reading one his favorite books. He for some reason enjoyed doing this and he wondered if he was annoying anyone with the loud beeping sound that he could easily block out. Maybe they didn't hear it because they never came down the stairs to yell at him. He knew one day he'd break the light in the refrigerator but until then he was going to keep on doing this. 

Finishing his chapter, he set his chair back in its proper positioning as he took his feet off the table and let the door of the refrigerator close only to reopen it to make himself his normal sandwich. He would pretend Magnus was wrapping around his waist at his point and kissing his neck, and that's when he decided to call him despite it being 3 AM in the morning. "Hey..."

"Uh hey...you okay?" Magnus squinted at the clock looking over Camille who was casually wrapped around him.

"Everything's fine, I just wanted to talk..." Alec didn't know what else to say because he didn't actually think this through or expect Magnus to pick up so quickly. 

"Alexander, it's 3:30 AM in the morning...are you nervous about something?" Magnus was quick to remember, of course, he would remember too if Alec was expecting anything less of him. 

Alec smiled wide and it was obvious in his voice, "Maybe..." He giggled tossing his knife into the sink. "I made a sandwich..."

"Do you need me?" Magnus was already slipping out of Camille's arms, hating himself for even thinking about cuddling with her before bed tonight. Maybe he blabbed a lot, but nothing else happened. 

"Yeah, please...we can be really quiet..." Alec answered softly and hung up and took a bite out of his 3 AM sandwich.

Magnus actually felt like he was cheating on Alec and not her for the most part, but he didn't want Alec to know where he was unless he asked. Thankfully she was a sound sleeper too so he was able to sneak all the way out of the room and out the door by the time she had rolled over. He arrived in no time to Alec's house, telling him when he was at the door through text so Alec could let him in. Alec skipped to the door with a little mayo on his face from his sandwich and greeted him. Magnus was quick to spot the mayo and kiss him where it was and slip his tongue right into his mouth as he guided him inside and let the door close quietly until Alec was pushing up against it in a heated liplock. Magnus was so lost in the kiss already, and the way Alec tasted, moving past the sandwich and tasting him...his sweet distinct taste that he could never get enough of. They kissed until they couldn't breathe and Alec was still pushing up against the door. He put his finger to his lip and slipped himself down on him, taking down his pants and boxers along the way allowing Magnus' cock to pop free. Magnus handed Alec some lube that he had in his back pocket knowing just knowing he would ask for it. Alec looked up and smirked, "I'm still hungry," his tongue slipped over the tip before he skillfully devoured all of him. He bobbed his head up and down creating a rhythm before adding his hand to the mix and getting him nice and wet slobbering all over his length and his hand helping mix the precum with his saliva. The confidence he had now turned on Magnus even more, his parents were just upstairs and although he was an adult now with a job, he still had to play by their rules, but were there any rules? Why was Alec suddenly okay with this and he wasn't telling him to be quiet because of Magnus sure as hell couldn't control his whimpers and if he wanted him to be inside of him as he was getting him prepared, he knew for sure Alec wouldn't be quiet about it. "Fuck, I'm ready." He slurped and moved back up slowly and gently writhing his hand over his length as he popped open the lube and coxed him before tossing it aside. He was stepping out his PJ pants and allowing Magnus to take control and move inside of him as his leg wrapped around his waist. Alec's head fell back and whimpered, it wasn't too loud, but his breathing became heavy as he came back and bumped his forehead with his as Magnus tried his best in this position to fuck him as widely as he could. 

"Am I still the only person allowed inside of you? Please tell me in the one and a half years that we haven't seen each other, I am still the only one..." Magnus said arching himself forward deeply and still getting him right against his prostate giving Alec all of the pleasure in the world that he needed. 

"...you. are. still. the. only. person." Alec panted unable to control any loud moans that escaped his throat. "Fuck, you're still the one that can make me wanna..." He tried to hold on but he wasn't able to, releasing himself all over Magnus' shirt. Magnus smirked that was so hot, and he absolutely loved getting to turn on Alec like that as he came deep inside of him. He mumbled against his shoulder, biting it softly as he continued to let himself go inside of him until he was oozing out allowing himself so slowly pull out. Alec whimpered at the lost contact but was quick to bend down and clean Magnus off for him before handing him back his pants as he sheepishly did the same. Magnus was still speechless, trying to compose himself. "Can't believe my mom and dad are still sleeping..." 

"...But I'm not...Alec, I can't believe you!!" Izzy was walking down the stairs. 

Magnus blushed so hard and wanted to run, but he casually just stood against the door still. 

"It's just mayo, and I was just eating a sandwich with him..." Alec smirked and tugged a little on Magnus' shirt. 

"Right, and Maia is just a friend in my bed right now..." Izzy answered with a smirk back, "Look, I've known for years..." 

Alec gulped. "Mom and dad don't know about you and Maia right?" 

"Not yet...but I wanted to tell them soon...I mean we're old enough now to do our own thing and if she doesn't like it, then I move in with Maia." Izzy decided right then and there. 

Alec looked to Magnus and then back to Izzy, "I want mom to approve. I want dad to approve. I can't just leave them knowing that they won't accept me for being gay." Alec said admitting that he was in fact gay of the first time ever to Izzy and god did it feel so good. Izzy took him right into her arms and promised him it was okay and that she always knew. 

"If they can't accept it, they really don't deserve best parents in the world, but they're still going to love you, remember that..." Izzy promised her big brother. 

"What if it's an even bigger deal because you're sleeping with a girl? How will they deal with me?" Alec whispered with a frown. 

"Maybe I can soften them, but I don't plan on keeping my secret any longer..." Izzy swore. 

Alec nodded and swallowed again, "Let me know what happens, you know I support you too." He promised. Izzy hugged him once before promising as she headed back upstairs. 

Magnus looked proudly to Alec now, tugging his hand to get him back to reality, "You okay? I promise it's okay to be who you are. I told you that always. It is up to you to do it and do it your own time..." He swore too and he didn't want Alec to feel like he was pressuring him in any kind of way. He just had so much hope now that just maybe things with Alec and him were going in the right direction rather than down the drain as it had been. 

Alec nodded, "Thanks." 

"Hey," Magnus turned him back to look at him, looking into his eyes as he cupped his cheek. "Please don't close off on me, especially after all that confidence you just had..." 

"I'm sorry, it's just...I realize I'm ready, to tell the truth." 

"Oh Alexander, that's the best thing you can do." Magnus whimpered kissing his lips and Alec kissed him back breathlessly. 

"Just, Magnus, please don't get angry at me if something were to happen and I chicken out and like...maybe I'm not ready to leave my family just yet...I just hate disappointing my mother..." He suddenly turned into his 16-year-old self. 

"There's nothing wrong with being scared, but as Izzy said, she will love you no matter what, and so will I..." Magnus swore. 

Alec sighed, giving a soft nod, "I know...but you have someone...that is probably really worried about you right now..." Alec tried so hard to stay strong but he was breaking down on himself realizing that he wasn't 16 years old anymore, and he could leave and move out any time he wanted. He just wasn't mentally ready for that. "I'll see you tomorrow, meet me at the bookstore okay? I need to sleep." Alec said softly and opened the door gently for him. 

"I love you, Alexander, okay? Please get some sleep, don't overthink anything. _Please._ " Magnus was practically begging. 

"Promise." Alec pressed a long kiss to his lips before smiling and letting him slip out of his arms. "Oh and Magnus?" He raised a brow on him, "Thank you for loving me. I know I'm a dick, I hope one day I can say it back..." He made a face and closed the door on him. 

Magnus was kind of shocked at the entire thing, but the last line he just received left him completely dumbfounded. This was not what he expected at all, but he gladly held on to it. He had hoped for the best but he was still completely unsure of how the next few days were going to pan out especially with the semi-fake wedding he had to plan...and if Magnus really had thought about it...he wondered if Alec was completely jealous of it and that was the only reason why he wanted him back in his life. Now he wondered if he should continue with it, and if he did would that mean Alec was closer to say _I love you_? Well, there was only one way to find out... 


	5. We're singing in the car, getting lost upstate. The Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place...

_"Magnus, I'm so excited. Our first road trip together, my parents not around, just us going upstate... how did my mom ever agree to let me take the car?" Alec exclaimed as they were on the expressway, he kept repeating himself over and over with his words. He was just so damn happy to finally be alone with Magnus, and he had just gotten his license, passing his road test on the first try._

_"I knew they would let you once they realized just how good you are at driving, also I might have done a little convincing because you also passed all your exams!" Magnus answered him with a little giggle over at him because he'd never seen Alec so happy and excited to be actually going somewhere with him before. The two of them hadn't been able to do anything since their first time together, and Magnus really just wanted so much more from Alec and this place upstate was going to be so romantic. Especially if they got to go to all the little shops around the area and get lost in each other at night at the parks to look at the stars and the mountain views, Magnus didn't think anything could go wrong._

_"We deserve this, I'm so glad it's you that's coming along and not Izzy." Alec shrugged a little just as they arrived into town. He was so busy looking at Magnus, just staring, falling in love with him, knowing that this was the boy he did want to spend his life, but he had so many thoughts on being out. They overpowered his thoughts on loving Magnus whole-heartedly._

_"Alexander, stop...red light!" Magnus shouted, and Alec was quick to stop just in time, and blush as bright red as the traffic sign appearing on his face._

_"Sorry, I...was looking at you." He told the truth and tried to pay attention to the small road that leads to their upstate cabin..._

\--

"I can admit that was an amazing weekend, wasn't it? I almost came out to my parents when I came home." Alec mentioned to Magnus as they were crawled up behind a bookshelf at Alec's shop.

"Why didn't you?" Magnus curiously feathering light kisses against his jaw.

"I just didn't think it was the right moment." Alec shrugged with a little shiver tilting his head for Magnus to continue what he was doing. "Besides after that weekend, you started seeing this girl remember?" 

"I wasn't seeing her, you kept thinking I was, I was just helping her with her math homework..." Magnus swore. "Why were you jealous anyway, it's not like we ever made anything serious that weekend. To be quite honest it was all fun and games to you while I thought we were finally going to be a _couple_."

"I thought you just liked being friends with benefits, you know I didn't want to be in a relationship..." Alec growled a bit. 

"I know that, so why were you even jealous of the girl I was tutoring?" Magnus asked again curiously his eyebrows raising a bit, with his nose to Alec's cheek before he kissed it softly because even if he was mad at him, he couldn't keep his hands off of him.

"Because it is only me you're supposed to tutor and flirt with..." Alec admitted sounding really selfish about the whole entire thing, a matter of fact he was always so selfish.

"You are an idiot." Magnus groaned but didn't say anything else nor did need to instead his lips were trailing down to his jaw again and over his neck and this time sucking on it a bit harshly leaving his mark. He bit down kind of hard too, Alec crying out in a bit of pleasure and shocked that he actually did that. Proudly Magnus went ahead and licked over it, studying it for a moment before giving it's pink color a kiss, "Looks like you're going to have to explain that you got a hickey from me." He snickered.

Alec made a face and turned himself to look at Magnus, he stuck out his tongue realizing that they had a customer walk in and he was quick to get himself up and run behind his desk. The customer turned out to be Camille looking for Magnus, and the 'oh shit' face Alec had on with his fresh hickey on his neck was definitely not a smooth way to look at her like he didn't just it from her soon to be husband. "Umm, I mean what can I do for you?" Alec gulped.

"Well, you see... I was going to ask you if you knew were Magnus was but it looks like I found him," She smirked wickedly as pointed over his shoulder to Magnus casually reading a book. She mosied her way over to him and snatched the book out from under him. "If you're going to sneak out in the middle of the night, you could at least have the decency to come first before sneaking out into a bookstore..." She scolded him. 

"Right, like I have to tell you where I am going every time I go out..." Magnus rolled his eyes, "Please, I don't see you telling me where you're going when you sneak off..."

"That's completely different. Anyway, I'm in town to go grab myself the perfect wedding dress so you shouldn't come home tonight until late because it's bad luck to see me in it..." She gave him a little wink and then Alec a wink before she was out of their site.

Alec looked to Magnus with a look of disgust, "What on earth are you marrying her for? It's like... it's... what the hell..." He couldn't even get his words out, he was so jealous.

"Someone's just jealous."

"Oh, believe me, I'm not jealous. I'm just pissed off..."

"It's the same thing, admit it, you're jealous..."

"Magnus, if you are only marrying her to make me jealous...I...oh dear god, Magnus please tell me you aren't doing that?" Alec was kind of seeing the big picture.

"It's not that I'm doing it to make you jealous, it's just if I can't have you..." Magnus sighed a little his body trembling realizing he was admitting something to Alec that he knew he didn't want to hear again.

"You have me, you will always have me, you're the only person that's allowed to fuck me..." Alec promised but it wasn't good enough.

"Alexander, I want to be with you. I want to be your boyfriend. I want to be your husband one day. But I don't want to be with you if you can't be true to yourself. And if you can't see yourself with me in the future then I don't need to even be here..."

"I'm sorry I can't give you what you want," Alec frowned looking down. 

"Just tell me why you can't, tell me why you're so scared to admit it?" Magnus insisted. They've been here before, they had this conversation one too many times and not once did Alec ever give him a straight answer.

"I'm not ready to be in a relationship, I thought you understood that." He made up the same excuse as the last time and the time before that. 

"Fuck you, Alexander, I'm not coming back this time... you can't keep leading me on. You can't keep making promises. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone, and that is what makes you so damn inconsiderate to everyone else around you." Magnus stormed out of the bookstore directly after speaking and before Alec could even say _I'm sorry_ it wasn't even like it mattered because he knew Magnus was right and he wasn't going to do anything about it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm very sorry it's been awhile since i've written to this fic, and yall only got a little bit, i do promise bigger and better things for this to come in a short while. i'm not giving up on it just yet. i know alec is a butt munch and yall probably really are waiting for him to come around and i do assure you that he will very soon. for now thanks so much for being patient cuz you guys seriously bring me so much joy when you tell me you love my fic. <3


	6. Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red, you used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-size bed and your mother's telling stories about you on a tee ball team...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: bullying about being gay, use of the "f" word. 
> 
> i'm sorry to anyone i offend writing this, i am not writing to offend any one, but to hopefully show some light on actual homophobic bullying. my high school irl did what i am about to write and there was a true hero that saved the little boy that was bullied, and i am making him magnus in this story. if you are my any means offended and need to skip this chapter i totally understand but please don't come at me because i am warning you now about it. okay thank you.

_"Strike Two!" The umpire shouted, one more strike and Alec would be out. He wasn't any good at Baseball but he joined because Magnus made him join. Everyone insisted that he was good, but he really wasn't any good at batting. He tried to be better and he did his best in practice but he figured he was just good at being an outfielder and catching the ball instead so he didn't understand why he had to do this part too. But in Baseball everyone had the opportunity to at least try and score. Taking a deep breath and looking over at Magnus who was the only cheering him on in the stands, everyone else just looking at him with disgust, Alec sighed and closed his eyes and imagined a world where he was an amazing player and the crowd was in fact cheering for him._

_The pitcher went ahead and gave him his best curveball and Alec got ready to swing. He missed entirely and the entire crowd booed him. He looked around and noticed that he made them have 3 outs. And everyone was back on the outfield now, so this was where Alec knew he could do good and maybe he could redeem himself from the horrible being up at bat and failing his team. They were still winning though, so he really didn't know why they were so bad at him. He took his position in the outfield and Magnus ran over to give him a small pat on the back. "You got this okay, just catch the ball whenever you can," Magnus told him and ran back to third base where his position was._

_It didn't take long for the other team to start striking out, and now the one player up for bat was one of Alec's enemies and he knew he was going to try and hit a home run so it was up to Alec to catch the ball from him. They needed one more out and they would win the game, and as soon as the kid up to bat hit the ball it went all the way near Alec, and with one quick jump, Alec had it in his glove. He looked down and Magnus screamed for him to throw it to him so they could catch the other guy trying to run home, Magnus caught it and got the kid out. They won!!! They all ran over to Magnus and tackled him to the ground to congratulate them, Alec came running too and wanted to get in on the pile. "Ew no, you're a f--...you'll actually like it..." A young boy said to him. His enemy laughing out loud, "Alec's gayyyyyyyy." The added. "He stares at us in the locker room." Someone else chimed in._

_"Stop it right now, all of you." Magnus got up from the ground and took his best friend's hand in his. "He isn't gay. Just leave him alone. He caught the ball first, he caught the winning play...if it wasn't for him we wouldn't have won." Magnus defended him and he always would no matter what, even if he knew Alec was gay and this was probably the reason why he would never come out._

_"He's still a f--. He always will be a f--. He can win us all the games he wants...we just won't like him. He doesn't belong on our team." The bully said and that was enough for Alec to pull his hand away from Magnus and just start running. The one time he wanted his mom to be there to watch the game she wasn't, and he didn't know where she was so he ran all the way home to his father..._

_"...they started to call me the f word and they accused me of staring at them in the locker room." Alec sniffled through his tears telling his father._

_"Well, did you give them a reason to do that?" Robert didn't even want to know if his son was gay and if he was, he wasn't too happy._

_"No, I swear." Alec lied kind of sort of because he didn't mean to look, and he knew he was different from all of them. Now he knew his father wasn't accepting of it._

_"Alec if they're accusing you of this, why do you even think you are gay? What have you been doing..."_

_Alec shrugged. He thought about all the times he would kiss Magnus but why did they not call Magnus gay or make fun of him for it?_

_"Go to your room, son. We'll talk later."_

_Later never really came, but Magnus came over to check up on his best friend, and Alec was still crying. Magnus tried his best to make sure he would be okay and that people were just bullies and jerks before he finally stopped his crying and the two just ended up falling asleep together..._

\--

Alec doesn't remember the rest of that night, but it sure as hell hurts as he's looking over the Baseball photos placed in a photo album his mom had on the table. He could see his miserable face in every picture and it irritates him even more at the painful memory. "Hey honey, I didn't see you come, is everything alright?" Maryse softly runs her fingers through her son's hair and places a kiss to his forehead, "I was searching for some pictures and found that album, I thought you might want to see it..."

"Yeah, did you notice how miserable I was in every single picture..." Alec looked up to her with a soft frown. "I didn't like playing Baseball, I didn't like it one bit."

"You never told me that, sweetie. I wish you would have, I would have taken you out."

"Now you tell me? I was under the impression I had to play, and because Magnus was I should too, blah blah blah..." Alec got a bit nasty. "Besides, dad would have been disappointed in me, would have told me what a f-- I was for not playing..."

"You know your father and I never agreed on anything, you should have come to me, what I say goes not your father." Maryse rolled her eyes a bit.

"Well, it's in the past now I guess, doesn't matter..." Alec shrugged with a deep sigh.

"What else is bothering you, Alec?" Maryse took a seat down. "You haven't been yourself since Magnus made his way back in your life...is it him? He was the best influence on you when you were little so I can't see why now it would change things..."

"God, you don't know half of it." Alec swallowed. "Mom, I love Magnus." He admitted for the first time ever not just to himself but to his mother.

"I know you do, sweetie. I know." Maryse was very kind and accepting and Alec had thought she would be just like his father, little did he know.

"I don't think you realize how I mean it, I'm in love with him, and I have been since I was 17...when he and me...I mean when we slept together for the first time..." He tried to get it out tried and he had no idea he even had it in him to do such a thing and never like this. It felt so good too like a weight had been lifted off his chest that kept him as mean and as rude he was to Magnus all these years afraid that his mom would never accept because his dad never did. "I told dad, he called me a f-- just like everyone else and said that I was stupid and didn't know what it meant to be gay..."

"Oh honey," Maryse took Alec into her arms and hugged him tightly. It was a shock, she didn't know, but she could see the signs when he was in fact with Magnus as she started to think about it.

"It's wrong, it's all wrong. Being gay is against everything we believe in, but I've always felt this way... the only one ever there for me was Magnus..." Alec cried into her arms now hating himself for feeling like this.

"It doesn't matter, you're still you, Alec." Maryse promised her son. "And it must run in our family, it must be in our jeans because Izzy came out to me this morning, and I'm okay with it, honey. I promise you, I'm okay with it..."

"But it's wrong, being gay isn't accepted. Everyone calls me names." Alec felt like if he was out now he would just get bullied again as he did back then. "It is killing me...even in college...I would hear them talking...I had a few people who I dated, Magnus even tagged along, they ended up liking him, hating me, and they just thought we were dating...and we weren't...I was so afraid that if Magnus kept defending me eventually they would hate him too, call him names too, and I guess I was so afraid that I closed off on him completely...even up until now... and that's why he's marrying someone because I can't give him what he wants..." Alec was on a roll through his tears as he confessed everything to his mother who was only the opposite of what he thought she would be. 

"Magnus is always going to love you, and you need to let him know everything you told me," Maryse answered him wiping her son's tears. "You have to forget the bullies, the past, and even what your father has told you, and most importantly you have to love yourself, Alec. You don't...and you haven't for quite some time, that's why I have let you stay here with me..." She promised, letting her son know just how much she cared about him and that she always would. A mother was always right and it was true...Alec didn't love himself enough because of the bullies and his past thinking everything he ever did was wrong. 

Alec nodded taking a deep breath, "I hate myself so much I give other people a reason to hate me." Alec admitted and closed his eyes thinking about the last thing he said to Magnus. The last words Magnus exchanged to him. And that's when more tears decided to fall, "Mom, I made Magnus hate me for good..." 

"Well, you better fix it." She answered him firmly. "But first I need you to find yourself. I need you to know that's okay, and I am going to love you no matter what, and I'm sure Magnus has told you that over and over as well. I know he has." Maryse knew Magnus just as well too. And she was so glad it was her son that Magnus loved, and she took care of Magnus herself plenty of times because of his father not accepting him either, but Magnus was always so out and proud of who he was she was just shocked that Alec couldn't be like him. "Can you do that for me?" 

Taking another deep breath, and trying to stop the tears that just kept wanting to fall from the idea of losing Magnus all together. 

"I need to now more than I know I can..." Alec whimpered. 

"Take your time," Maryse insisted. 

"I don't have much time, Magnus is marrying someone..." Alec clenched his jaw and got himself up from the table. 

"He won't," Maryse promised although she really didn't know. "You're going to have to realize he might need to him too before you even try to apologize, but you can't do anything until you fully accept who you are..." 

Alec groaned gripping his hair and just walked out of the kitchen into the living room and plopped on the couch. He looked at his phone and literally no messages. He debated on texting Magnus for over 20 minutes before he finally just put his phone back in his pocket and listened to what his mother had told him...he needed to accept the fact that he was gay and it was okay no matter who would say it wasn't... The only question left was if would Magnus be willing to accept the apology Alec had ready for him...


	7. And all I can do is keep on telling you I want you, I need you but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all for the positive feedback even in the last chapter as you now know why Alec is the way he is. All things do come to those who wait, and I am promising you all a happy ending, but this chapter is just as well filled with the angst you all need in order to get there. Please enjoy and hope for the best. <3

_"Magnus and I always go on double dates together, it's just how we do things...he has to approve of my date and I have to approve his date..." Alec explained at dinner._

_"I just don't see this date going anywhere after tonight," The college boy just out of the closet and happily going on a date with Alec, but it wasn't at all what expected when Magnus showed up with a chick, and all Alec could do was brag about Magnus._

_After what seemed to be a long excruciating 30 minutes, Magnus was leaving with said girl, kissing her, and whispering things in her ear to get her to leave with him as they left Alec and the boy alone. Alec got the dude to go back to his dorm with him, they were kissing and messing around, and the boy finally thought he was getting somewhere until Alec came up with rules and what he was allowed to do and what he wasn't allowed to do._

_"I'm sorry, but if you have rules and you actually don't plan to see me again after this, I'm not going to offer myself to you tonight." He pushed Alec off of him and left the room._

_"Whatever, it's all good...just please remember to take the sock off the door before you go thanks." Alec sighed and turned the tv on to distract himself until he heard from Magnus. God, he hoped he would hear from Magnus later._

_The door of his dorm opened a few minutes later to his roommate Jace and his new beau, Simon. "Oh, oops, sorry, didn't know you were here, no sock, thought you were still on the date...did you end up giving him the rules and he left?" Jace knew all about Alec's antics._

_Alec just shrugged as he was looking Simon up and down. "Don't let Jace tell you anything bad about me, I'm just not into the relationship thing..."_

_"No judgement here," Simon put his hands up with a soft smile and dragged Jace with him to the small couch in the dorm. "You're free to watch some tv with us, that's all we planned on doing for the night..."_

_"No, it isn't." Jace gritted his teeth as he looked at Alec trying to plead with him to leave, but Alec looked back and made him a face as well. Jace usually was good at reading him, and he knew Alec was upset. "Actually maybe it is best if you come back a little later, Si. I'm going to give my man here a little pep talk and maybe I'll meet you at your dorm?"_

_"Sounds good." Simon was really easy to please as he smiled to both of them, leaving Jace with a soft kiss and shook Alec's hand. "Good luck out there," He smiled and left._

_"He seems really sweet, glad you found him." Alec sighed and took a seat where Simon had and urged Jace to sit with him so he could get this all out before it was too late for him to go ahead to Simon's dorm. "I'm just a mess, it's our last year of college, and Magnus gets all the good luck and I'm left with no one..."_

_"Alec, look, you're a really good guy, you just have such expectations of dudes because you want them all to be like Magnus...remind me why you two aren't a couple yet?" Jace inquired._

_"He wants to settle down, he's in love with me, and I'm just not there yet, I've known him my whole life... there are even pictures of us in the tub together as babies...it's just like why be with someone you know so damn well?"_

_"I don't see anything wrong with it unless you are in complete denial of being with him for this unknown reason, something is stopping you and just because you've known him your whole life doesn't make it any reason why you can't love him," Jace explained. "Because if you ask me, he's perfect for you and you are in love with him and you're just too scared to admit that."_

_"He can do so much better than me, I'm not worth his time, I will never be worth his time..." Alec answered and it probably was the most un-confident thing he'd ever said about himself._

_"If Magnus loves you there is a reason for it. Don't put yourself down like that," Jace assured Alec, patting his friend on the shoulder to bring him for a hug, "You really need to find yourself first before you do anything..."_

\--

Alec stared at Magnus' number and a picture of them on his phone. He was tracing over every single outline of Magnus' face before he realized he still hadn't called him nor left the couch after his talk with his mother. He was never going to love himself for all the horrible things he'd had done in the past. He was surprised Magnus still cared and still came around. If Alec didn't love himself, there would be no use. He really did push Magnus away so he didn't have to know just how much he did love him. He knew Magnus could do better even if he got jealous of every single person he met. It was very wrong of him to do too if he couldn't promise himself to Magnus the way he needed him to. He didn't know if he would ever be ready to love himself first and know it was okay to be gay and proud of it before he could even talk to Magnus and apologize.

"Hey big bro, long day?" Izzy sat down next to Alec on the couch while he was still staring at Magnus on his phone.

Alec nodded and titled his head to look at her, "I came out to mom, and not only that, I told her I was in love with Magnus, and I..." He trailed off.

Izzy gasped happily and swung her arms around Alec and squeezed him, she was so happy for him and told him there was no reason to be sad, none at all. "What else is wrong?" She asked curiously, rubbing his back gently.

"I hurt Magnus pretty bad before I came out to mom, I told Magnus again that I'm not ready to be in any kind of relationship...because he deserves better than me." Alec sighed with a few tears threatening his eyes, he tried to hold them back.

"Why would you do that? You know Magnus loves you heart and soul?" Izzy pouted at him, "Big bro, there is no better person for you than Magnus, please fix it...if not I will..."

"He's getting married, and I had the one chance to stop it, but he's going to go through with it now, I know he is. I am not worth it anymore to him..." Alec insisted with another frown.

"You do know that his fiancee is my teacher and her visa is up and the only reason he's _marrying_ her is so she can stay in the country right?" Izzy informed him.

Alec shook his head in disbelief, he did not know that - matter-of-factly... "Oh..."

"You didn't know?"

"I didn't...I thought you really loved her..."

"Please, Alec... they can't stand each other. And although she's giving me an 'A' in my class, she is only doing it because he told her the wedding is still on so she can stay in the country if she gives me my 'A'..." Izzy explained more and took Alec's hand into hers. "Big bro, you can stop the wedding from happening...she can find someone else to marry if she wants to stay here and keep her teaching license."

Alec shook his head again, squeezing his sister's hand for a moment before he was pulling back to wipe his tears, "I'm afraid it's too late for even that..." 

"Why?" Izzy frowned too.

"I've made too many mistakes, he is never going to forgive me this time, especially if I'm not ready to give my all to him like the way he wants me to." Alec sighed.

"You don't have to marry him, you just have to love him back, and you already know that you do...what's stopping you, Alec?" Izzy asked so curiously and concerned for her brother. 

"He can do so much better than me, I'm pathetic, I've led him on for years, and I'm not as proud as he is. I'm ashamed of who I am." It was so easy to admit this to other people why couldn't he tell Magnus? Alec shook his head again at himself and tried to fight the tears that were slipping down his cheeks. 

Izzy pointed her finger to Alec's heart and poked it hard, "You need to listen to what your heart is telling you and not your brain or anyone else. Your heart is the key to this. If your heart loves Magnus and your mind is fighting it because you're afraid he's going to find someone else while loving you...you have to take that risk. You've been so strong all this time keeping your feelings for Magnus hidden just because you know he can do better than you? You can't judge Magnus on that, he's who he is as well because of you, he has loved you through all your _dick moves_ and through all your _pathetic excuses_ so believe me, Alec, he is never going to stop loving you and he might want you to beg for forgiveness this time but it'll be worth it and he will be so damn proud of you." Izzy breathed with a nod, and she was right 100% right. "All it takes is a telephone call...' hey Mags, can we talk? '..." She encouraged taking his phone and dialling up his number for him.

Alec swallowed as the phone was handed to him...

It just rang, rang, rang, and rang, and he wondered if Magnus was screening his calls. "Should I leave a message? Uh..."

Izzy shook her head yes, practically growling at him.

"Hey Mags, it's me...listen...I'm sorry...I uh...I came out to my mom and I admitted something to her...I'd like if we could talk in person about it...please call me back or you know, meet me tomorrow at my bookstore?" He hung up and slumped into the couch looking to Izzy with a scared look, "What if he's getting married right this second?"

"Don't you dare think like that, it hasn't even been a day yet...he's just screening his calls..." Izzy didn't know anything but she knew Magnus would at least give her brother the benefit of the doubt just like every other time.

Alec just made a face and groaned. He folded his arms across his chest and waited. Magnus didn't call him back, and it was getting later...

He finally decided to go to bed and hope for something tomorrow when had a text message show up. _I'm really proud of you finally coming out to your mother, that's the best thing you could have done, but I don't have time for you tomorrow, Camille and I pushed the wedding up so we have to make all the last-minute arrangements for the wedding on Friday...I know you don't want to come to the wedding, so I'll talk to you once it's over. Goodbye, Alexander._ Alec stared at the message as he re-read it over and over until he was in a million tears, was this Magnus' way of telling Alec to fuck off literally? He definitely blew it. He couldn't even call out to Izzy to tell her what the text message said. This was all his fault. How would he fix it now? He really did lose the one person in the world that he loved more than anything in this world because of his insecurities he put first? As the clock flashed 12:00 am, it was now Thursday and Magnus was getting married tomorrow. He would not let this happen or would he?


	8. The snow is really piling up outside I wish you wouldn't make me leave here, I poured it on and I poured it out, I tried to show you just how much I care...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse. to shout but you've been cold to me so long, I'm crying icicles instead of tears._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: violence, gay bashing
> 
> I'm so so so sorry. Please read with caution.

_"If you didn't hook up with her, why didn't you come back to me?" Alec asked Magnus as they were crawling up in bed, the snow outside was really piling up, they wouldn't be able to go home for winter break. Alec wasn't too happy about that because he wanted to go home and spend time with his family._

_"Well, I thought you were going to get it on with that random dude..." Magnus lied because he knew the guy wasn't going to stay once Alec was giving him the rules. He liked the rules because that meant Alec really only wanted to touch him basically._

_"Na, you should have just come and interrupted," Alec answered with a soft sigh and nestled underneath Magnus' chin._

_"Alec, if you wanted me to come back so bad, you should have just told me. I'm not a mind reader you know?"_

_"Don't get upset with me, I always just want you to come home to me."_

_"But what's the point if you won't give me what I really want?" Magnus inquired pushing him away from him a little._

_Alec frowned, taking Magnus back in his arms. "I'm here now, and that's all that should matter."_

_Magnus sighed and allowed Alec to take him back into his arms, whatever this was, he only hoped one day he would love him wholeheartedly._

\--

Magnus’ new his fiancee was talking to him but he couldn't stop thinking about the past with Alec and all the wrongs he tried to make right...

"If you aren't going to pay attention to what I am saying, what's the damn point?" Camille waved her hand in front of Magnus' face. 

"I'm sorry I was just...nevermind...I heard you the first time. I don't mind having a little reception afterwards," 

"My family are coming in and they're going to have to stay here too if that's okay..." 

Magnus shrugged, "I guess...we do live together, this is your place too..."

"It means we're going to have to really pretend that we are in love and a happy couple..." Camille reminded him. "We're going to have to sleep in the same bed," 

Magnus stifled a laugh, "Look, we don't have to _pretend_ anymore, we can really do this...I'm not waiting for Alec anymore." Magnus stated and it hurt his heart so bad to even know it was time to move on.

"Are you sure?" Camille asked curiously because she really did care about him too, but she wanted him to be happy most of all.

Magnus sighed, "I honestly don't know, I can't give you an honest answer but I don't want you to have to go through this just so you're accepted into the country...pushing up the wedding is just giving me more of reason to realize he'll never love me the way I love him..." 

Camille nodded, "We'll figure this out, I do wish we had feelings for each other..." She sighed softly and all Magnus could do was agree with a shrug. "Maybe we should try though,"

"I would like to too..." 

\--

Magnus wasn't coming to the bookstore, Alec figured it was useless. He really was planning a wedding and knew from the message he received back that Magnus wasn't interested in trying anymore. It was like the boy who cried wolf, and Alec knew he officially blew it and he wasn't about to crash the wedding. It was time to close up shop, and he kept thinking about waiting for a little more to see if he would show up just like all the other times he did when he at least expected it.

Finally just closing the door and locking up, he turned around and came face to face with a bully from his past. "Oh my god, you've got to be kidding me..." He cringed trying to escape the sudden push up against the glass.

"You don't have Magnus to protect you, do you? He can't fight your battles this time can he?" 

Alec shook his head, keeping strong, but afraid to move. "What do you want from me?"

"He's getting married to my sister's best friend, and I was invited to the wedding so I came here to rub it in your face. You're still a little f--. And not even Magnus can love you." 

God, Alec really hated this dude, and out of all times to have to go through this...now really wasn't the time because he was already filled with so much emotion and he felt like what he just called him. Alec whimpered and tried to move from the grip the larger boy had on him. "Please don't hurt me." 

"What was that?" The bully went and punched him directly in the stomach, and then kneed him in the groin. "I couldn't hear you." He allowed Alec to fall down to the ground and started to kick him in the side a few times and the only thing Alec could do was crawl up in the fetus position and allow himself to get beat up like this feeling like he deserved it until he just blacked out...

\--

"Magnus, it's Izzy...Alec was rushed to the hospital. Someone beat him up, the cops found the guy a few blocks away with Alec's blood on him..." Izzy informed Magnus the second Alec was out of the operating room from bleeding internally. "They said when he wakes up he might not remember anything, there was trauma to his head...Magnus...I...if anything happens to my brother..." 

"Izzy, oh please, please calm down...everything will be okay...I'll be there soon." Magnus was on the way to the hospital the second he hung up.

Maryse and Maia made Izzy take a seat to stop pacing, they too hoped everything would be okay because thinking the worst would just make it worse for Alec. If he woke up and remembered everything he'd never be able to forgive himself for being gay, and if he didn't remember and they had to tell him, he would go right back into the closet. 

The second Magnus showed up, the doctor came out with some good news and bad news.

"Please, what's the good news," Izzy asked trying her hardest to stay strong gripping on to her mom and Maia, and Magnus holding on to Maryse.

"He's awake, we had to operate on his spleen, he's lost a lot of blood, but we managed to give him a transfusion, but we have to keep an eye on him, he has a huge bump on the side of his head..." The doctor explained.

"Will my baby boy be okay? Is that the bad news too?"

"No, the bad news is we think the bump might be a concussion and we need to keep him awake..." 

"Can we all go see him right now?" Maryse asked, "We will keep him awake..."

"Yes, that's what we need you to do. Please don't make him upset though, he seems to be blaming himself already." The doctor told them.

Magnus walked in first, seeing Alec looking as miserable as anything, and all Magnus could do was run to him, and wrap his arms around him, "Who did this to you?" 

"Ow, my side, he hurt me so badly...it was...I don't know who it was..." Alec really couldn't remember as he looked away and frowned and tears were trickling down his face from the pain.

"We know who did it, Magnus," Maryse whispered telling him who it was and Alec looked to the both of them curiously. 

"What, why can't I know? Why can't I remember? I just remember him hitting me in the stomach...next thing I know I'm here, why does my side hurt?" Alec whined.

"Your spleen was ruptured, you need a blood transfusion, Alec you almost died." Izzy cried tears just poured from her eyes, she loved her big brother so much and he didn't deserve any of this. 

Alec was in shock, and just folded his arms across his chest and felt sick to his stomach. "My head hurts." He reached to touch the bump in the back of his head, "Oh my god did I fall and get this or did he do this to me too?"

"We don't know," Maryse said gently, taking her son's hand in hers, and tried to keep him from touching it and worrying about this because he knew the more he did the more it might trigger him to get upset and his concussion could get worse. "You need to stay awake, and just relax at the same time, you might have a concussion," Maryse added softly leaning forward and kissing his forehead. Alec whimpered giving his mom a simple nod and tried his hardest to breathe without his entire body hurting him. 

"It's all my fault." Magnus ended up saying, "If I'd have just shown up at the bookstore for you, none of this would have had happened to you." 

"Stop that, you know that's not true...it's all my fault for being _gay_...this is exactly why I hate who I am." He tried so hard not to say something negative but how could he not? "You know what could everyone just go and leave me alone?" 

"We'll go, but you and Magnus need to talk, tell him what you told me." Maryse insisted, her son was going to be okay, he had Magnus by his side.

Alec swallowed, everyone left the room, feeling the same way Maryse felt, if had Magnus everything would be okay, it was always okay if they were together. That's when Alec felt most safe and he felt it and everyone saw it when they together. All the loving embraces, the secret touches when they thought no one was looking, and the longing glances that everyone wished they had someone to look at them like that...

"Stop looking at me like that," Alec ended up being able to crack a small joke as he was trying to get Magnus to stop looking so serious.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with you..." Magnus joked back as he took a seat down on the bed gently, "I can't believe I'm getting married tomorrow, and you have to stay in a hospital bed...not that I thought you would come..." Magnus doesn't know why he said that out loud, why he was even thinking about right now either, but if he thought about anything else like what Alec had to tell him, he knew he wasn't going to hear it and they would end up fighting any second instead.

To his surprise, Alec didn't say a word or anything back snarky like he usually would, "If you really love Camille, what's me stopping you going to do?" 

"We're working on that part," Magnus said with a sigh. "I do feel like I'm making a huge mistake, I'm guessing Izzy told you the truth?"

"Yeah, she did, and that's a noble thing you are doing, so who I am to try and stop it right?" Alec sighed right back. 

"There's just one thing you could do..." Magnus raised an eyebrow. He figured what Maryse meant when she left the room.

"I'm just a burden, I can't even go outside without getting bullied and beaten up. If it's not one thing, it's the other..." Alec shook his head, he reached to touch his side and jumped from the pain.

"Alexander, you were never a burden to me, okay maybe a little, but if it's so hard for you to say it then maybe I shouldn't be here..." Magnus got fed up again and got ready to leave the room walking away from Alec's side.

"No, please stay...I need you to stay with me." Alec begged as he grabbed his hand and locking it with his, "Please just lay with me," He patted the opposite side that didn't hurt. 

Magnus obligated and rested gently against him, he draped a hand around his small frame and gently rubbed his side for him. Alec murmured nestling himself against Magnus just like he always did, "Magnus," He purred, kissing his jaw softly, "What I told my mom was something I never wanted to admit because all I could think about was the hurt I caused you..." He trailed off with another kiss to his jaw trying to breathe softly while Magnus soothed him, "...it's wrong to be gay, and today proved that to be, but if it's wrong to love you, then I don't ever want to be right..." 

"Say that part again, say it again." Magnus cooed, his body falling into Alec's trying not to hurt him as he was hoping Alec realized what he was actually saying and not just saying it just to please him...

"That I love you?" Alec blinked back some tears, "That I've been in love with you since the day we made love for the first time?" 

"Alexander..." Magnus was rendered speechless.

"Hmm?" Alec bit his chin softly, "Please don't stop touching me like that, that feels really good..." Alec mumbled a bit feeling like he was floating, his body was suddenly going into a deep sleep from his concussion... "I love you, Magnus..." He said as his eyes closed.

"No, no, no, Alexander, please don't go to sleep...you need to stay awake..." Magnus shook him, but he was easily going into something deeper. 

Magnus suddenly thought the worse, what if all this that he said was just because he thought he was dreaming... 

He screamed for the doctor and he came running, he had a pulse, he was breathing, but it was short like blood wasn't pumping to his heart...

It all happened so fast, he was being wheeled out to be operated on again and all Magnus could think about was if what he said he meant because if he did he wanted to stay, but if he didn't remember in the morning...he had to be married...and he actually wanted to give it a shot.

He needed a sign, and he needed it now. Why did bad things happen to good people, why did Alec have to be a victim of hate crime for him to admit feelings Magnus longed to hear? They were going in circles...and Alec couldn't push Magnus away this time, he wasn't going anywhere...


	9. You call me up again just to break me like a promise so casually cruel in the name of being honest. I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'cause I remember it all, all, all too well.

_"I love you, Alexander." Magnus said as he was coming deep inside of him, and falling forward as he felt Alec let go in between them._

_"Mhm, god that was incredible." Alec murmured, catching his breath and wiping his excess come off of his chest and getting up to put on his pants and shirt. "I'll see you tomorrow." Alec leaned forward to kiss his friend's cheek._

_Magnus gripped Alec's arm with a glare, "You seriously aren't doing this again, look, I don't just want to be someone who randomly gets to hook up with you..."_

_"You're the only guy that I have sex with..."_

_"That doesn't matter, I want to be the only guy you see too..."_

_"Not now, Magnus. I gotta go..." Alec insisted on leaving._

_"Fine go, but don't come back tomorrow, I don't want to see your face. Matter of fact, I'll send you all your stuff so you don't have to come back until you can actually treat me with respect..." Magnus said and he swore he meant it, but like always with one simple look it was all over and he allowed Alec back into his life. When would it all end?_

\--

Magnus was pacing now with Izzy and Maia back and forth and Maryse was by her son's side while they were trying to get him to breathe on his own. They're at the moment seemed like nothing they could do with the brain not telling the heart to pump the oxygen through his body like a body normally would. Magnus felt unbelievably selfish at the moment, wanting Alec to be alive so they could finish their conversation and go on and live happily ever after but something told him he wouldn't remember and that he should walk away right now and marry Camille. He avoided her call twice until he was finally picking up and explaining to her everything as quickly as he could and to his surprise she was actually understanding of it. 

"I still don't know what I should do though, I have to follow my heart right? I don't want to hurt you, Camille." Magnus' heart was too big for his own good.

"Thing is my family are coming in, if they weren't coming in, I would tell you to stay with him..." She reminded him. 

"With your family coming in, it's the reason why Alec was hurt the way he was, someone who was friends with your brother, the one that always used to beat him up in high school is the one that did this to him..."

"Are you kidding? I swear he's such a bad influence on my brother, and you know my brother would never do something like that to anyone..." 

"I do know which is why all of this is so damn stupid and it's just upsetting because Alec doesn't deserve this, it's the sole reason why he's been in the closet like he is and soon as he's ready to tell me the truth he gets beaten up," Magnus whimpered practically just crying to Camille over the phone. He was so fed up with literally everything and he was going to lose it himself and just call off the wedding and wait until Alec got better...if he ever did.

Camille hung up to go and tell her family the situation they had and how unsure they would be if there would even be a wedding anymore. Magnus really needed to think of something and think of something fast, but the doctor kept coming out and telling them it was bad news.

\--

It was now 1 am in the morning and Magnus heard a soft noise coming from Alec's room. Why was he even still here, did he fall asleep? Was he dreaming? He heard Alec's voice again calling out for him so he went running into his room. The doctors left him on a breathing machine and said he couldn't be able to talk so he figured this must be a dream. He pinched himself but nothing happened as Alec cracked a smile, "Get me out of here, I need to crash a wedding and tell the man I love he's making a horrible, horrible, mistake..." Alec felt completely dopey. 

"You need to rest," Magnus raised an eyebrow at him, as he fixated his hair softly around his face.

"I don't need any rest, I've been getting stabbed here because I can't breathe, and I wasn't able to talk until now," Alec whined. 

"Well, now you're just being delirious." Magnus sighed. "Or I'm just dreaming."

"You're not dreaming if anything I'm dreaming because I can't seem to remember why I never wanted to tell you I loved you in the first place..." Alec pondered out loud. "You never ever left me even when I was so horrid to you. You always stayed and I tried so hard to push you away. I remember how you once literally gave me back all my stuff to literally sleeping with me the next...why?" 

"Because why is a crooked letter," Magnus made him a face, "I honestly don't know why, and that actually pains me because for so long I had so much hope, and the day I finally give up and tell Camille I will marry her...this happens..." Magnus really didn't think he was talking to Alec, he really felt like he was dreaming. 

"I'll admit I did say those things so you would leave me and save yourself the heartache." 

"But why, Alexander?" Magnus questioned back. 

"Because I'm a mess, and I'm complicated, and I am afraid of getting close to someone because they'll find a flaw and want to leave...I was saving you the trouble."

"That's total bullshit." Magnus cursed. "Loving someone, you are supposed to love heart and soul, flaw and all." Magnus was raising his voice." Why was Alec admitting this all right now?

"But I was a coward, I had to have you fight my battles for me..." Alec continued. "I never felt like I deserved you, I just tried to use you so you would eventually move on...find someone...like...Camille?"

"But you got literally jealous of everyone single person I met, and I'm my own person, Alexander. You don't get to tell me how I get to love you. You are my best friend. I fought for you and defended you because you are my best friend. You don't deserve to be treated like that and you especially don't deserve to get beaten up because you are gay. No one deserves that. People who do that kind of thing are just cowards themselves. If you show you are man enough and strong enough they will stand down. That was the only difference between us, that is probably why everyone did like me and why they didn't like you. But that's all in the past now and I can't believe we're finally having this conversation. I feel like it's all goddamn dream and I'm going to wake up from it any second..." Magnus' words came out like word vomit and he really hoped to god this wasn't a dream so he pinched himself again really hard this tome, and to his surprise, he wasn't waking up. 

Alec had to laugh out loud and he choked a little. He shook his head and beckoned for Magnus to come closer to him. "I promise you're not going to wake up, this isn't a dream. I feel like I'm dreaming too...I don't want to be though, although apart of me does think I should be because everything you just said all makes sense now and I really was the biggest dick in the world to you. I'm so fucking sorry for acting like one and getting jealous...I mean maybe that was my sign of love for you? That I am? Was? That I am so stupidly in love with you and every day I fell harder and harder in love with you and was too stupid to ever admit in fear that once I did say it you'd leave."

"Alexander, we've known each other our whole entire lives. We were even little babies in the tub, we made a pact to be together forever, and right after we made love the first time we made a pact to never love anyone but each other and if it came down to finding someone else...we'd always find a way back. I know you were a little bit scared even then but what made me stay all this time was that look in your eyes...the one you're giving me now." Magnus confessed taking his hand in his and squeezing it softly.

"I don't want you to get married tomorrow, I'm sorry if I'm too late," Alec said with a small frown. 

"I'm not getting married anymore," Magnus said without really knowing that truth or not because he was so scared this was still somehow going to get jinxed.

"I'm sorry I messed it up, I didn't mean to bleed internally from some bully or fall to the ground in pain and give myself a concussion..." Alec frowned again rubbing his head a little. 

"I actually think of this as a miracle because of that bump on your head...you have confessed literally everything to me...everything I've ever wanted to hear...so that bully was actually doing us a favour..." Magnus laughed a little.

Alec did too, scrunching his nose but then 'owing' softly because of his spleen literally hurting, "Don't make me laugh, and don't make me regret what I said." He stuck out his tongue.

"Hey, don't do that if you don't plan on using it." Magnus poked it. "You need rest, and I hope to the moon and the stars that you remember this when you wake up." Magnus leaned forward to press a kiss to his forehead.

"Mmm, I don't think I want to forget how it feels to know it's okay to love you..." Alec murmured softly before closing his and drifting off to sleep as Magnus told him to.

Magnus walked out of the room to Maryse and Izzy standing there with huge smiles on their faces, "Oh my goodness..." Magnus whimpered.

"I can't believe it, I knew you could do it." Maryse was literally clapping softly before bringing him into an embrace. 

"I knew all along this moment would finally happen." Izzy squealed as they hugged each other. "It really does suck it had to happen like this, but I think it was meant to be..." She added with another huge hug and they all had their family moment. 

But now what, would Camille understand?


	10. I can't lie, I can't tell you that I'm something I'm not, no matter how I try I'll never be able to give you something, something that I just haven't got..

_"If you don't love me, I don't understand why you keep coming back to me like this..." Magnus took a deep breath seeing the pain in his best friend's eyes._

_"I'm not the person you think I am," Alec swore as he a deep breath feeling like he was about to throw up._

_"I've known you my whole life, you're just scared someone might actually like you...in my case love you...why don't you just admit you don't love me." Magnus was trying so hard to get into his best friend's head for the last time. But wasn't the last time already the last time?_

_"I don't love you, you're my best friend...with benefits. I can't let you love me...please...just go..." Alec ran to the bathroom to be sick, he hadn't felt this way in a long time and he just didn't want Magnus to know this side of him. If he didn't stick around this time, he knew he would go just like the rest of them. He was just preparing him for the heartbreak of the future. In Alec's mind, nothing lasted forever._

_Magnus nodded, didn't say a word, and left to go find someone to get his mind off of Alec. It never actually worked until he was back with Alec until he met with Camille and knew it would bring out the jealousy in Alec more than anyone else he was with..._

Magnus doesn't really want to remember how he met Camille or how well they hit it off or the fact that she was here illegally. It was a perfect idea, she played along so well. Alec didn't know about any of it until now, and now he was finally admitting to Magnus that it all worked out. He didn't think about this part. He never actually thought that Camille would want to go through with it and the two of them were finally getting along to the point where Magnus was willing to do it. There were so many things they didn't think about at this point. 

With a deep sigh and Alec still breathing, and thankfully just sleeping, Magnus kissed his forehead and left the hospital room to go and call Camille and break the news to her that this wasn't going to be happening. He had a knot in his stomach though, something was telling him that when Alec woke up this time he wasn't going to remember anything he had said. Or play it off like he was just dreaming and admit he didn't love him anymore. He thought about waiting and the more he waited and paced back and forth the more worried he made himself.

It was Camille finally calling him at 3 am in the morning where the hell he was and when Magnus said he didn't know yet, that he was waiting for Alec to wake up, she went and got extremely verbally abusive to him. She cursed him out and Magnus took every single second of her screaming on the phone until he finally tried to say something, "I'm not going to let you talk to me that way, we made a mistake trying to pretend by helping each other out. You can find someone else to get you into the country or find another way and apply, I don't want to be apart of this game anymore."

"Magnus, I already got the paperwork, I already am a citizen, I lied about all that just so you would love me more...and I thought we really had something..." Camille all of a sudden admitted, "I even bought my family here and now I have to explain to them that you don't want to marry me anymore?" Camille cried over the phone now realizing that Magnus was never going to love her the way he loved Alec. 

"Wait, you actually love me?" Magnus fell against the uncomfortable hospital chair.

"Well, yeah..."

"Then why treat me like shit?" 

"So what Alec treating you like shit wasn't any better?"

"Answer the question, Camille."

"I just hated it was always about Alec." She couldn't really answer him, "I'm sorry."

"I've gotta go, Alec is waking up." Magnus lied and hung up the phone. He looked at his surroundings and noticed that Maryse had heard the entire conversation and she was taking a seat down next to him. 

"I really don't like what you are doing to yourself Magnus, if you need to go ahead and be with Camille, you really should be going..." Maryse said softly.

"I hurt her just like Alec hurt me. I was so blind. It's not something I should have ever done..." Magnus admitted what he did after realizing it. "Maybe Alec saw that side of me and that is why he never wanted to be with me. I must have hurt him constantly too..."

"This isn't all your fault, this is Alec's too. He's the one that made you so vulnerable and he wouldn't give you what you wanted...you let him walk all over you. If I had known any of this, I would have given him the proper mom to son talk..." Maryse was also now blaming herself. 

"It wasn't as bad as when we were little kids, it was when we got to College that started it all... the two of us would both go home with different people. I did it to get him jealous and it worked each time. He always came back to me. He was such a coward though too, he was still in the closet for the most part and he especially hated when I would bring a girl back...I did it only to get him jealous. Camille was the deal-breaker, she was the one that got him to livid we stopped talking for that entire year..." Magnus confessed feeling so good about to finally talk about it and let Maryse know what they both went through. 

"That is very wrong of the both of you but at the same time, it's always interesting that you two always ended up back together...so that just proves to me what I knew all along by myself. You two are soulmates..." 

Magnus breathed out softly, he wanted to cry. "Some people wait so long to find their soulmate and all this time I had it and never knew..." He said out loud, "A rude soulmate, but none the less I am in love with him and I always have been..." He laughed a little to himself as Maryse ended up laughing to know just how rude her son could be. 

"What matters most is that he has you and he always will have you. Although you too did some awful things to each other in college, I'm so glad it's in the past and you can now fix it and hopefully, it'll work out in your favour."

"I really hope so." Magnus took a deep breath and realized it was almost 4 am now and they still hadn't gotten any sleep and he really envied Alec, still hoping that when he woke up he wasn't going to forget any of this...

\--

No one had told Magnus to go home and certainly didn't have a place to go anymore considering he wasn't going back to his place with Camille. He left her a message to say sorry for everything and that he would be over in a couple of days to pick up his stuff. He was going to be homeless even if Maryse invited him to live with her, but that was up to Alec and not her as well. He also wanted a life with Alec, he wanted to get a place with him, show him that he loved him just like he always did and prove that he would love him with his flaws and all. He did anyway. 

It was around 7 am when Magnus woke up in the chair he fell asleep in the waiting room. It was empty and not even Maryse or Izzy was with him anymore. He panicked just slightly hoping that they were just in Alec's room, and why would they leave him without saying anything. "Oh thank goodness," Magnus said out loud when he saw Izzy coming towards him with some coffee.

"I didn't want you to wake up without any coffee," Izzy smiled sweetly. "...mom is with Alec now, they're doing some tests on him, his memory is still bad on everything that happened leading up to the fight..."

"Does he still remember he loves me?" Magnus cringed at the thought as he sipped his coffee.

"I hope so too, he only asked if you were still here," She answered honestly. "We told him you were sleeping in the lobby and he laughed..." 

Magnus laughed too, "Well, I guess I should go in there... your mom and I had a lovely chat, and she offered me a place to stay, but I told her it was up to Alec..."

"Maia and I have decided to get a place of our own, maybe one day you and Alec can have that." Izzy smiled again, "But right now having you live with us would be super fun, you know how much I love you."

"I do, I am also sorry if Camille ends up giving you a bad grade because of what I did," Magnus mentioned casually making her a face to apologize.

"Oh please, it's okay, if she does, I will go to the school board and just tell them what she is doing, I really am not worried..." Izzy promised. 

"Good," Magnus sighed softly and with a few more sips of his coffee, he and Izzy went to go back to Alec's room. There Alec was sitting up and having some of his breakfast. It was a good sign that he was eating. "Alexander," Magnus said sweetly.

"Magnus!" Alec chimed, "I was waiting for you to come back, I missed you, all my dreams have been about you." He confessed, "The doctor keeps telling me I need to remember things that happened before I told you I love you but I still don't remember what I did in order to get here...they tell me but I don't remember..." He shrugged reaching with grabby hands for Magnus to hug him. 

Magnus went right into his arms, nuzzling his neck, and kissing his jaw, "I don't think it's important, I'm afraid if you remember you won't love me anymore..." Magnus admitted.

"I will never stop loving you, I always have loved you, I was just a stupid dick afraid to admit it for the longest time...we went through all that last night...right?" Alec pouted not wanting to bring up the angry person he was in the past.

"Exactly," Magnus nodded. "I just want us to be together...like a real couple... _finally_?" He breathed out with a slight question in his voice.

"I'd like that, can I just get out of here first?" Alec growled a little at the thought, "This food is really gross, I could go for like bacon and eggs..." 

Magnus shook his head and made himself comfortable on the hospital bed with Alec. He didn't want to hurt him or his side so he just gently draped his arm around his waist, "I fell asleep in a chair, I just wanna lay with you..." Magnus nuzzled him and was already drifting off into a deep sleep...

\--

"The plan only backfired, I need you to do more damage..." Camille spoke to her brother's friend. "I need you to hire someone else. I need you to find a guy named Jace and hurt him just like you hurt Alec..."

"What is in this for me?" 

"Even more money, just don't get caught this time." Camille hung up the phone.

Uh oh...


	11. It's like I'm paralyzed trying to find myself again but I'm still trying to find it after plaid shirt days and nights you made me your own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long overdue and I'm sorry about that. The title lyrics come from Taylor Swift's song All Too Well - she wrote them for the song but never put it in the final draft. I found them [here](https://twitter.com/TSwiftNZ/status/1164761233838338050/photo/3) for those who are interested.
> 
> TW: this chapter contains some homophobic slurs and talk gay-bashing. Please do not read if it'll offend you, I really don't want you to hate me. This is your warning!

_The way Magnus loved Alec no matter how one-sided it was, he would never give up on them. The nights he yelled at him and told him that he would never see him again were always lies because he was right back the next night. Tonight was no exception and Alec was all over him like it never even happened. Magnus swore tonight would be the night he said I love you back..._

_"Say it," Magnus whimpered biting down on his bottom lip. "Tell me you love me."_

_Alec only whimpered, thrusting himself up against him, needing him, wanting him, but he couldn't say it. He was afraid of hurting him and being a burden to him, no one liked him any more, so he thought. It was in his head that everyone was out to get him, everyone but Magnus. It was just his poor attitude. Nothing else._

_"Alexander," Magnus breathed parting from him altogether and fell to his side, "I can't not tonight." He mumbled._

_"You'll end up just like the rest of them, you'll really leave one day and never come back," Alec mumbled and got himself out of bed. "You can get a head start,"_

_Magnus looked up at his best friend incredulously and blinked back all of the tears that wanted to fall when he wouldn't say I love you back. This time he was kicking him out? "You don't mean that,"_

_"Oh I mean it, I can't keep this up anymore...please go." Alec couldn't even look at him, but Magnus obeyed hoping that Alec would be like him and not be able to resist not seeing him..._

_He was right, it was only a day later and Alec was inviting himself into his dorm, kicking out his roommate. "You purposely left this in my bed, didn't you?" He tossed his plaid flannel in front of him._

_"Not on purpose no," Magnus said coldly, "Thank you for bringing it back,"_

_"I can't live without smelling you, touching you," It was the closest thing Magnus ever heard Alec say to an I love you and with that Magnus practically pounced him and said he was forgiven...again._

\--

Magnus can't remember how long it really was he was the hospital with Alec as he got better, maybe it was really only a day or two more until he was able to go home. He didn't exactly tell Camille the wedding wasn't going to happen anymore, and he was giving her false hope because he still felt bad about promising her something and not being able to go through with now that he loved Alec. There were legal things involved with this though, a whole lot of it, and all of it was about to unravel. 

"Did the doctor say how long I have to actually be in a wheelchair? It's not that I can't walk...I lost him after he started talking about my temper and how I need to not stress..." Alec was rolling his eyes at himself as he spoke.

Magnus laughed a little shaking his head, "Just for us to get you out of here and if you feel lightheaded at times because you're still a bit beat up and stuff. Your side must really hurt without those painkillers."

Alec nodded and shrugged rubbing his side and then realizing that 'ow' yes it did hurt and his facial expression changed. "I just don't want to be a burden to you," He pouted.

"Hey, shhh, we've been through damn hell and back, you are not a burden now, nor were you ever..." Magnus lied just a little bit as he made a face himself but they both ended up laughing.

"Owww, nope, can't laugh too hard either." Alec pouted as he was taking a seat down in the wheelchair to be on his way when his cell phone rang. He quickly answered it.

"Alec, it's me, Simon...you know Jace's boyfriend?" The voice was in a panic on the other end, he didn't like talking to Alec sometimes. 

"I know who you are, what's up?" Alec loved to tease him as he looked to Magnus to let him know who it was.

"Listen, I hope you're sitting down, I need you to stay calm... it's Jace... he was in this fight... the same guy who beat you up, they somehow got out of jail on bail and they came for Jace..."

"Stay calm?!?" Alec immediately freaked out. "What do you mean? Is Jace okay?" He put him on speakerphone, "Tell Magnus what you just told me,"

"Magnus, it's Camille's brother's friend or whatever the one that hurt Alec, he hurt Jace but he's okay... he got called an f-- and the second he was called a f--, Jace he got him right in the face and took him down. I called the cops before I called you but I just need to let you guys know..." Simon finally breathed and Alec was furious so furious. He didn't know that it was Camille's brother's friend that did this to him and now Jace.

"Thank you for letting us know, Simon. It'll be alright. I'm so glad Jace got him, will you be alright? There's some important stuff that I'll have to talk to you about, let me just get Alec out of here and we'll meet you at the station..." Magnus hung up the phone for Alec and knew wrath from Alec was coming. 

"...so that's the reason you didn't tell me who did this to me, why you couldn't tell me huh? How could you Magnus? What the fuck?!" Alec wasn't staying calm at all like he was instructed to do.

"I need you to stay calm," Magnus took a deep breath, "You need to know the reason why I didn't tell you was because of this...exactly what you are doing now." 

"But Magnus, you fucking kept a huge fucking secret from me... it's the girl you've been seeing all this time had it out to get me? And you still fucking had the nerve to marry her even after I was beaten up? What in the actual hell..."

"Stop it, stop it right now. I didn't know. She lied to me. I knew she was capable of many things but not this. Not hurt you or me like this. She doesn't want me to be with you." Magnus actually suddenly realized what he actually said and he was so surprised he was calm about it. He couldn't upset Alec like this and needed him to understand he really didn't know.

Alec shook his head, his entire body hurting from just his screaming, "This is total bullshit and you know it. She literally went to Jace because she didn't kill me the f--. Jace took him down and I couldn't. This is why you shouldn't love me. I'm pathetic." Alec tried to wheel himself out the door but it hurt his side too much and he just lost it in front of Magnus. 

"Alexander." Magnus' voice was still calm, "I know now the reason why you always let me down when I asked you to say the words back then, you don't have to anymore, you've said them enough these past two days to make up for it all. But do you even hear yourself? I've loved you for as long as I could remember, I loved you even on your bad days, I loved you even when you screamed at me for no real reason other than your own hatred for yourself. I love you regardless of all your flaws and I always will..."

"But why, why the fuck do you even love me like that if I am so horrible to you? To myself...I can't even take care of myself." Alec murmured through his tears, wiping them and trying so hard to not act like this but nothing at all worked. He was so broken.

"Just because, Alexander. No one can love you as I will. No one will ever get you as I do. No one in this world will ever understand the love I have for you and yeah maybe I shouldn't the way you've treated me but I understand now your reasoning and if I am being completely honest with you -- it only makes me love you even more now..." Magnus swore and promised.

Alec pouted, taking a shaking breath, and then shook his head softly unsure of what to even say to that. "I hate you," He smirked.

"I know." Magnus smirked back but his face turned serious, "You need to know that I am not going anywhere,"

"You never did," Alec whimpered biting his bottom lip.

"Exactly." Magnus smiled softly as he leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Alec's forehead, "There's a lot you don't know right now and if we go down to the police station where Jace and Simon are, I can explain the story to them and the mistake I actually made..."

"So you're not marrying her anymore?" Alec asked a stupid question.

"Alexander, what do you think?" Magnus shook his head as he was wheeling him out of his room and towards the elevator. "I will explain everything to everyone once we get down there."

Alec was confused but he gave a nod and fell silent unsure of what to say now, just glad to be going home with Magnus where he felt safe.

\--

They arrived at the police station and Alec wanted to walk in, he held Magnus' hand tightly and leaned on him for a bit of support. The second he saw Jace he almost fell over. He looked pretty bad, nothing like he had been, but still seeing him obviously being a fight because of him made him feel so worthless again. "It's okay, Alec," Jace promised instantly taking him into a hug and holding him up. "I'm strong and I got the son of a bitch in jail for you. It also turns out he's here illegally." 

Alec leaned back as Magnus caught him for Jace and made him take a seat down with him, "I need the whole entire story now, Magnus!"

"I didn't know at the time how illegal it was to marry someone in order to bring someone into the country...I was doing Camille a favour." Magnus explaining reaching to take Alec's hand knowing he was going to get mad at him for his part, "Please don't get mad okay? I was doing it at first to get you jealous, I knew how you got, and what can I say I liked the attention it gave me because I couldn't have you, only when you were jealous...I did come into your bookstore well aware that it had been an entire year and I really wasn't honest with myself because as much as I started to have true feelings for Camille all I could think about was you...so yeah I fucked up...and none of this excuses me no matter how much you hurt me in the past...I should have never done any of this because she took this way too far...but we can get her out of here with this mess that she has made." 

"You are insane." Alec shook his head, he was hurt yeah but he actually felt like he deserved it. "I don't even know what to say...how is she even teaching if she isn't here legally?"

"She has faked a lot of shit to get herself to where she is now and I have kept a lot of shit just to be a good friend but it's no longer an option...this is uncalled for. I am sorry she did this to you and to you Jace, thank you." Magnus swallowed looking to the both of them and apologizing for everything.

"I'm good, and I know Alec will be okay too, I know he is a lot stronger than he thinks. I have always told him that." Jace spoke softly and gave his friend a small squeeze careful not to hurt him.

Alec sighed, taking a deep breath, and sighing again, "Thanks." He mumbled and leaned closer to Magnus, "...I want to get back at Camille..." He added to his mumble.

"What do you have in mind? It won't be long until they come for her and her family if her brother's friend cracks..."

Alec smirked, "What if you tell her the wedding is still on, you get everyone in one place, everyone but me, and then when the priest is about to say those words, ' _if anyone thinks that these two people should not be married_ '... I'll come barrelling through on my wheelchair with the papers that she and her family have been deported..." Alec couldn't wipe the smirk off of his face. It felt like the evilest thing in the world to do.

"Wow," Magnus gasped a little, but he loved the idea so much. "Let's do it,"

Was Camille going to fall for this? Of course, she would...


	12. Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much, and maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up.

_"There is nothing wrong with two boys getting married." Magnus made a statement to Alec when they were just 8 years old._

_"I only see a boy and a girl all the time on tv." Alec shrugged making a bit of a face. "Can you marry your best friend?"_

_"Of course you can," Magnus answered softly taking his best friend's hand and bringing him near. "I heard if you walk around the kitchen table, you can be married."_

_"Really?" Alec took his best friend's hand. "I want to marry my best friend." His dark brown eyes lightened up with excitement._

_"I want to marry my best friend too." Magnus took Alec's hand tighter in his as they began their journey around the table. They walked a couple of times hand in hand._

_"How do we know when we are married?" Alec asked curiously._

_"I don't know, maybe someone has to tell us." Magnus shrugged as they continued to walk around the table just giggling at each other and having fun._

_"What are you two doing so happy in a fit of giggles?" Maryse came in and saw her son and his best friend now running around the kitchen table._

_"We're trying to get married," Alec said excitedly as he caught up with Magnus._

_"Well isn't that adorable? You want to get married to each other?" She asked them both curiously. They both nodded excitedly. "Well, first you're going to need a ring, and who is proposing to who, and then you can walk around the kitchen table." Maryse didn't really know what she was encouraging other than her son loved his best friend that much already to understand what marriage meant._

_Magnus went and reached for a bread tie on the kitchen table and tied it around Alec's finger, "Will you marry me?" He asked as innocently as he sounded._

_"I do," Alec answered back innocently saying it wrong himself but it was too cute not to tell them that as Maryse allowed them to walk around the kitchen table one more time so they could officially unofficially be married..._

\--

"He kind of just blew me off, I guess he doesn't want any help anymore. I knew it was too good to be true." Magnus frowned trying to his best convincing that Alec had left him again. It was easy doing that, he'd been hurt by Alec so many times it was really easy to just go ahead and have to say it. "The wedding is still on, we can get married tomorrow," Magnus promised as he was gritting his teeth a little trying so hard to sound convincing.

Camille did fall for it, in fact she was elated and grabbed him into a hug and kissed all over his face to thank her for this opportunity. Magnus gave her a few kisses back then slowly pulled away. It really shouldn't have been that easy to do and he wondered if she knew something was up but it was better he didn't question it and let her be. In the meantime, Alec and Jace were getting the paperwork to get her deported, and her brother's friend was more than willing to talk if that meant getting him out of jail. Her entire family were going to have to leave the country if everything went accordingly tomorrow. It felt almost too wrong to do but Camille was lying for years and using a fake ID for years and when Magnus met her she at first was only to get Alec jealous. He had no idea he would become apart of her lies and what she did to Alec and attempted to do Jace was in fact that last straw for all of this. She meant to destroy Alec but it turned out she failed and instead Alec had finally admitted he was in love with Magnus. But even that was too good to be true.

Magnus said goodnight to Camille and she went upstairs to do her thing, and he promised to be there soon, but he was sneaking out of the house to go and visit Alec who had just gotten home. "I really thought you'd never get here..." Alec breathed in the second he saw his best friend and tugged him into the house. "So I can walk, but it hurts a lot." He swallowed rubbing his side. "Did she fall for it?"

Nodding, Magnus gave Alec's forehead a kiss and held him tightly in his arms for a few moments against the door. "I don't know why I'm a bit nervous..." He closed his eyes to avoid looking at Alec. This was something he was never afraid to do. He felt like he was going to wake up from a dream, a never-ending dream as he went and pinched himself. "Ow."

Alec laughed looking a bit curiously at Magnus as he titled his head, "Why are you nervous?" He gently rubbed his arm where he pinched himself.

"It's not even the fact that tomorrow is going to happen and we're going to deport her, it's the fact that you and I have been fantastic...I guess I'm still waiting for you to tell me _syke._ " Magnus frowned and regretted what he said the second he saw the uneasy look on Alec's face. 

"Umm, well, I...mean...I love you, and that is never going to change, ever." Alec said with a bit of a soft swallow. "But if I ever get like I used to be, I really don't want you to have to keep trying...I just want you happy...are you not happy?"

"Oh no, Alexander, no, no. I'm so happy. Ever since we got married when we were only 8 years old, I've wished you were that Alec...that carefree beautiful soul. I know we were only 8 but we planned our future...and I was the only fighting for it..." Magnus explained as he was taking Alec's hand so they could head to that same kitchen table they walked around at just 8 years old.

"I remember that," Alec smiled. "Two weeks later or so, I was bullied for the first time and got called a _f--_ because I said I married you..." He shook his head. "They really were horrible to me," He frowned. 

"You never told me that!" Magnus swatted Alec against his shoulder. "No wonder why you ended up this way..." He was quick to rub his shoulder in apology. 

"I was afraid to tell you, I can't honestly tell you why, I think I was just scared you'd agree with them, but you always defended me later on, so I really don't have an excuse anymore." Alec swallowed. "You hate me now don't you?"

"No Alexander, I don't hate you. I'm just really upset our whole lives before it started for me you were going through it. I blame myself." Magnus mumbled a bit.

"Please don't, I did a lot of messed up things to you. I even went as far as trying to date girls to get you jealous, which only ended up being a drunken mess because I would tell them how gay I was just to hear them hate me and verbally abuse me because it was I was used to. I'm fucked up..." 

"You're not, I promise you, you're not. It just pains me that I wasn't there for you like you needed to be. I was hooked on just trying to get you to love me." Magnus couldn't believe himself as he tried not to get too emotional over this.

"I always loved you, Magnus. Always. It should have been a given. I'm sorry I never said it the way I should have. I'm sorry it took me this long to come to my senses..." Alec was finally giving Magnus the apology he deserved.

He was overwhelmed with it too, he never imagined this kind of apology. "Gosh, I love you Alexander, I love you so much." Magnus was lost for words and usually when he said _I love you_ , Alec was telling him other things but he said it right back and moved across the table to kiss him, he kissed him deeply, not stopping there, and just kept it going not caring as he used to if his mother would be home soon...another thing Magnus wasn't used to. He moaned into his mouth and tugged him closer so he was in his lap as they continued to lip lock on the chair.

Maryse did come home as she saw them in their intense liplock. It was just a friendly reminder to her that her son finally had the happiness he deserved and all of this was going to be okay. Softly she cleared her throat and folded her arms across her chest just to tease them, "Sorry sweethearts, but if you want to eat dinner, you're going to have set the table for me, then you can go back to what you were doing," She handed them over the table settings.

"Thanks, Mom." Alec thanked her softly getting up a bit sheepishly from Magnus' lap to go and give her a soft hug. "I always thought you would judge me for what I was. I made Magnus keep this kind of a secret from you for so long but something already tells me you knew..."

"Oh, believe me, I had my speculations, but I'm also very impressed you kept it well hidden...just you can't do that anymore you know that right? You have to be completely honest with yourself." Maryse pointed to her son's heart.

Alec nodded and hugged her again, "I'm learning," He whispered and went to finish helping Magnus with setting the table.

"We're having your favourite tonight." 

"Mac and Cheese?" They both said in unison.

"You bet, but I have to add some broccoli in it, the special ingredient..." Maryse smiled.

Magnus and Alec both made a face like always, but it was okay like always too. They ate it regardless. "If you insist," Alec smirked and sat back down on Magnus at the kitchen table.

They needed to have a nice peaceful dinner in preparation for tomorrow, and the only thing on Alec's mind was to keep Magnus happy and ready for tomorrow...


	13. And though I pleaded and I begged her not to walk out that door she packed her bags and turned right away...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry it's been a while since I've posted, I hope you enjoy this chapter, it might be a little intense and not at all accurate according to the law.

_"So it's not wrong that two boys can get married?" Alec asked Magnus that night as they were having another sleepover. They were holding each other's hand tightly, their heads resting against each other on Alec's bed._

_"The only thing about us being married is that we are too young." Magnus smiled softly as he turned to his best friend to peck his lips and blush right away as he hid against his neck. "We love each other, that is what is most important."_

_There were so many tingles through Alec's body from that so it was instant when he went and brought him in close to hug him and although he was young, maybe too young to know what love was, he was pretty sure he was going to never forget Magnus and this moment for as long as he could remember. "I hope we stay together forever..."_

The memory Alec had was very liberating. How much he had changed since that night and all of the feelings he did have then even if he was too young to what love actually was. It was all turned into nothing, absolutely nothing the second he got picked on for liking a boy, wanting to be with a boy, and being told it was all wrong and not what Magnus really said. He kept all of that in for the longest time because no one made fun of Magnus the way they made fun of Alec. He didn't know what to do, but he grew up being the biggest bully himself. He blamed everyone including himself for everything that happened up until this moment where he was hiding in the back of a fake wedding.

The fake wedding was starting in a few minutes as Alec was trying his hardest not to want to run just because of the weird feeling he had in his stomach like something could horribly wrong. Jace was keeping him from running actually and he had an eye on anything that could ruin their plan, and that's exactly what happened within just seconds of Alec wanting to puke...

"Jace, you have to listen to me and you need to understand that the research I did on Camille's family and the truth of the matter is that everyone is legally allowed to be here except Camille and her brother, she apparently has applied to be here legally though and marriage is something she also needs in order to stay...but it has to be mutual and loving with both parties...so we can't do anything technically..." Simon told his boyfriend the news he found out which they had to tell Magnus right away to just call off the wedding altogether if he was willing to listen. Alec's plan wouldn't go as planned either...

"And just where do you think you're going?" Camille stopped Alec trying to escape through the back as if she knew he would be doing this. It caught Alec completely off guard as he tried so hard not to cry knowing she was about to actually marry Magnus because he would be willing to help her stay here and fake everything for her.

"I can't witness you two getting married, I thought I could, but I can't." He told the actual truth.

"I don't buy that," Camille smiled at him wickedly gripping his side that stitches from his spleen surgery.

"Ow, you're hurting me." Alec whimpered grabbing her wrist and looking at her with wide eyes. "Go marry him and leave me alone."

"Oh, I am going to marry him." Camille snatched her wrist away from him looking him dead in the eyes. "And I'm also going to tell him that your little plan didn't work and that you are leaving and never coming back and it was all your idea...not mine...not anyone but your idea to leave and never come back...and he will have no choice but to marry me. I don't care if he doesn't love me. He will learn to love me..."

"He will never love you the way he loves me." Alec found himself saying out loud which was supposed to just be his thoughts but he said through his watering eyes. "At least I know that much is true, and you know what, it doesn't matter anymore...I always knew things like this were too good to be true, that I could never have my happy ending so you do you and I'll leave the both of you alone. I did it for a whole year, I can do it for forever." Alec turned himself away with a pain so deep in his chest, his entire body shaking and suddenly everything just started spinning as he ran as quickly as he could across the street and completely away from the church until he was puking his guts up. 

\--

They got Magnus in time to tell him the news but with everyone staring at him, especially her parents Magnus suddenly couldn't move from the alter. He wanted to run but he also couldn't do something as drastic as their original plan was. He just hoped that maybe Alec would come walking into the church to object to their marriage and everything could fall into place for them...yeah right...

"We are gathered here today to join these two souls together..." The priest began, snapping Magnus back into reality realizing they had already started. Camille was wasting no time either.

Magnus shook his head and stopped the priest, "Could you give a second please..." He pulled her off to the side and looked at her knowing she did something. "What did you do, where is Alec?"

"He told me he couldn't watch us get married, so I told him he better run away because I don't want this marriage to be fake. It doesn't have to be, you can learn to love me." She couldn't see the whole picture and Magnus grew furious instantly.

"Camille, I cannot marry you. I cannot marry you because I am not in love with you. This whole thing was only supposed to help you be here legally but turns out you already are, and you need mutual love and partner but that's not going to happen because there is nothing mutual from me...I'm sorry. I only want to marry the person I am in love with have been in love with since I was in first grade." Magnus apologized and apologized to everyone around him in that instant they were all staring him down. But he was right because they somehow just agreed with him. They knew what he was doing was wrong and Camille suddenly felt so small when even her family agreed with Magnus. 

She walked away from the alter as quickly as she ran up to what she thought was going to be having her way. Magnus now having to apologize to the priest for the mess they made in God's house. He asked if he could wait a little while because he wanted to marry Alec for real, he wanted him to know that he loved him more than anything in the whole world and Camille would never have her way. 

\--

"I can't find him, I've looked everywhere." Jace told Magnus, "He can't be far...where would he even go? I'm kind of scared."

"I know exactly where he went." Magnus urged Jace to follow him. They lived in a small town and everything was walkable and they made this walk plenty of times after church. And sure enough, there was Alec sitting on the swing set of the park. "I'll make sure he's okay," Magnus promised and allowed Jace to sigh a bit of relief and allow them to be Magnus and Alec in the only way he knew them. "Is this swing taken?" Magnus sat down with a small smile giving his best friend a poke.

"What are you doing here?" Alec frowned not all expecting him but not at all even thinking straight which made him sound cold.

"What do you think I'm doing here Alexander?" Magnus was quick to get angry because he knew they were back to square one. "How could you think I was going to marry her huh?"

"She hurt me, she told me you would learn to love her...and that is the way it should be. A man and a woman are supposed to get married..." Alec said avoiding any eye contact with him.

"Oh that's really nice of you to say, don't you remember our conversation when we were younger...how it is only wrong if you didn't love the person? The only thing wrong with our little marriage walking around the table was that we were too young, but I know you wanted to marry me when we got older..." Magnus was still raising his voice a bit pulling Alec's swing so he would look at him. "You said to me, I hope we stay together forever..." 

Alec's eyes finally met Magnus' and they were filled with anger and sadness. He swallowed hard before he slightly shook his head, "I don't need to be married to you, we don't need rings to prove the love we have for each other..." He told him with a soft voice hoping he wouldn't get mad at him. He slipped a hand inside of his pocket though and took out the twist tie from when they were younger that he's kept all these years. "I do however have this." He was still whispering as he put it on to Magnus' finger. 

Magnus' eyes lit up and he giggled softly. He didn't need to be married, yeah I liked the idea of marrying his best friend and the person he wanted to spend the right of his life with but the gesture and the fact that Alec kept it all these years was more than enough. "I love you, Alexander. Knowing you kept this for literally 16 years is all that matters." 

"It's the proof I should have given you every time you said to me you loved me and wanted to be with me..." Alec admitted.

"Yeah, it would have shut me up." Magnus laughed a little and it got Alec to finally let out a small laugh as he pulled the swing back with him so they could start to swing together. 

"I bet I can jump further than you." He said what he once said the first time they did this.

"Any excuse to purposely land on top of you..." Magnus smirked starting to swing higher than him already.

"Oh, so that's the reason it was always a tie huh?" Alec laughed as he tried to get himself higher.

Magnus shrugged simply. He loved the way it felt to be swinging and reminiscing about their childhood when it was simpler times, he just hoped this time it wouldn't end badly after the jump...he hoped that maybe this jump would be the jump they needed to go in the right direction for good...

"Actually," Alec started to slow down. "I shouldn't jump..." He turned to Magnus with a soft frown pointing to his spleen that kind of hurt from all of the action he had today after suppose to be taking it easy. "Maybe if you promise to catch me."

"Oh shit, you're right." Magnus jumped off of the swing and turned and landed on his feet perfectly. He never did when he was younger but that was always on purpose just to let Alec win. "I'll always catch you when you fall..." He promised holding his arms open and Alec leapt into them, and they only stumbled a bit against each other before they were fused in a lip lock that turned passionately instantaneously, something they both needed since the day they first shared their first kiss. It was their promise, it was all they would ever need forever. Alec knew he was safe with Magnus now and he didn't want it any other way...


End file.
